i150W: A Certain Disappointment

We have our own disappointments in life. Some people do get disappointed for a certain reason.

Yeah, it’s like you already know the reason for your own disappointment. I mean, some of you already deal with traffic, long lines, unreliable services, unexpected delays… these are the things you can actually rant about on social media. If you’re used to dealing with these daily life struggles, then you’re definitely used to expressing your disappointment towards the people behind these unnecessary inconveniences, like incompetent government officials and inconsiderate oligarchs.

What could be worse than broken promises, canceled plans, and failed expectations? Of course, the feeling of disappointment. It seems like they’re here to ruin your mood and motivation in an unexpected way, much like a surprise. At times, it can be really frustrating.

We have our own disappointments in life. No matter how disappointed we are, we can’t always dwell on it.

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Perfectionism… In Daily Life / Something To Be Disappointed About [Ax2]

Perfectionism… In Daily Life

I’m a perfectionist. And I don’t care what you think about me.

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I really hate it when everything didn’t go according to plan. You know how tight I was when it comes to planning, especially if I’m aiming to accomplish whatever plans you have for that day. So I always make sure that it happens in my favor, otherwise, I’m gonna fly off the handle and switch from a nice guy to a rude critic in a second. You know how terrible I can get when I’m mad.

I’m pretty sure some of you are feeling the same, since you can be either demanding or have high standards when it comes to a variety of things, like services and/or products. Anyway, we all deserve something better, yet we don’t always get what we want. And it’s really frustrating.

Being the cranky person I was, I tend to raise my eyebrows when something goes wrong or they couldn’t provide me with anything I need. If I want to work on my attitude, then they must work hard on providing a better/excellent service to [un]satisfied consumers/customers like me.

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No matter how we try to do things perfectly, there are some flaws. For starters, there are some unexpected problems that may keep you from accomplishing a certain goal, especially under pressure. There are complications and difficulties in the process that can frustrate some people, not to mention that they always pay attention to the little details that they just keep on repeating the same task or process until they got it right.

For example, you are writing an article or a short story, something that requires editing for the sake of your observant readers. As you write some parts of the article or the story, you tend to edit some of the sentences or paragraphs just to make it look like it is professionally written. I tend to be like that at times, and that’s one of the reasons why it took me long enough to finish an article or a story. It’s just that I wanted to write something as it is, yet I always check what I’ve written for some unnoticeable mistakes. That’s how perfectionist I was, I can’t let some flaws showing up on a finished product.

In daily life, you wanted to make sure that you have everything in hand like you must have the necessary ingredients needed to prepare a certain dish. If this didn’t come out good, then I’ll be disappointed. If I have one thing missing, then I’ll be disappointed. You see, I just want things to go smoothly without any problems.

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Anyway, so here are some things that you can apply your perfectionism on:

  • Household chores–The cleaner, the better.
  • Cooking dishes–Depending on your preference, as long as it’s good.
  • Art projects–It’s purely aesthetic, to begin with, so a good presentation is a must.
  • Designs–Same as above.
  • Providing quality service(s) to consumers/customers–We deserve better.
  • Infrastructure projects–Some people don’t just settle for simple or badly-executed designs, they want anything more than just functionality.
  • Transportation–With the hellish traffic in Manila, we deserve a better way to get around the metropolis without a hassle. Never mind the transportation fare, not everyone cares about how expensive it will get for as long as they can get to their destination faster.
  • Your writings–As mentioned earlier, it’s for the sake of your observant readers.
  • Your outfits–If it doesn’t look good on you, don’t bother wearing it.
  • Everything you bought, in-store or online–Quality matters, especially if it’s a premium/expensive product. Definitely worth the price.
  • Scheduled tasks/plans–If it doesn’t go as expected, there’s the frustration of having to change plans at the last minute, which is definitely not my thing.
  • Your personal choices–Your personal taste rules, as well as your choices. They can recommend a lot of stuff but the choice is always yours… and you can assert your inner critic in you if they keep pushing you to take their word for it.

And there’s a lot more. It’ll be too much to write about, so that should do for now.

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Being a perfectionist in daily life may sound like having a demanding attitude towards everything. In the end, we deserve better. Don’t get me wrong on the “demanding” part. I mean we are all entitled to that kind of attitude, as long as you do it in a nice manner.

In regards to our expectations, we always make sure that we’re doing things as perfectly as possible. But there will always be inconsistencies and errors in the process. Yes, we can always proclaim that we’re perfect in some way… but really, nobody’s perfect.


Something To Be Disappointed About

We do get disappointed for a lot of reasons. We’re all expected to, especially when things go wrong with ourselves, with others, and with all the things that are happening in the world.

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The word disappoint is traced to the Middle English disappointen by way of the Old French desapointer.^ In literal meaning, it is to remove from office. Its use in the sense of general frustration traces to the late 15th century, and it first appears recorded in English as an emotional state of dejection in the middle 18th century.

Disappointment is a subjective response related to anticipated rewards.^ It is a form of sadness—a feeling of loss, an uncomfortable space (or a painful gap) between our expectations and reality.^ It happens when something unpleasant happens, in which the feeling of happiness is replaced by a feeling of sadness or frustration.

Recovering from a disappointment varies among people, ranging from a few minutes to a few days. While we can get over our disappointment, there’s a possibility of it recurring over time with the repetition of the same unpleasant incidents that lead you to this letdown.

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Broken promises, unfulfilled dreams, failures, unsatisfactory performances and actions, unfair practices, poor services… these are the things that we’re probably disappointed about. The feeling of sadness, anger, and frustration can lead to a thinking that there’s nothing we can do about it. Somehow, expressing our disappointment is the only way to let others know that there’s something wrong with the way things are.

The feeling of disappointment can affect your emotions, as well as your performance and your optimism. Just imagine how will you be able to redeem yourself when things go wrong and there are no other ways to get around this problem you’re having. You may be expecting something good with your plans, but there are times when you really need to be prepared for a sudden mishap, like an unexpected incident that will force you to change your plans at the last minute.

The feeling of disappointment isn’t limited to your own expectations or others’ actions. Sometimes, even a simple inconvenience can cause disappointment for some people too, like road traffic or some sudden cut-offs like train operations and telecommunication services. These things often come in an unexpected manner, and can even disrupt your mood.

I really hate the thought of feeling disappointed over a simple thing such as long lines or long waiting times, service interruptions, and unexpected changes. It’s just that I don’t like wasting a lot of time doing nothing while waiting for my turn or for the service(s) to go back to normal.

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Well then, here are some things to be disappointed for:

  • Others not meeting your standards/expectations
  • Inconveniences (long lines, long waiting times, heavy traffic, bad or terrible services)
  • Service interruptions
  • Betrayal
  • Political issues
  • Incompetent leaders, managers, and bosses
  • Distasteful and controversial remarks on certain issues
  • Unexpected failure(s)
  • Wasting a lot of time dealing with a difficult problem
  • Selfishness of others
  • Other people’s attitude
  • Getting scammed
  • Unexpected natural phenomenon (heavy rains, thunderstorms, floods, snowstorms)
  • Poor management
  • Sudden changes without prior notice

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Yes, we do get disappointed for some reason. It is a natural reaction to anything unpleasant or unexpected. But no matter how disappointed we are, we must never let ourselves dwell to this kind of thought for long.

Take a deep breath, relax, think of how to cope in this disappointing situation you are in. After all, you can’t afford to feel disappointed all the time.

#2018: The Posts So Far… The Mid-Year Roundup

In the first half of this year, there are three notable events in my blogging career:

  • TWATKcox’s fifth year anniversary in the cyberspace (#TWATKcox5th)
  • My former blog Kin Keihan Times’ tenth year (Kin Keihan Times X)
  • My tenth year as a blogger

It sure was an achievement for me, even though I faced a lot of hurdles throughout my entire blogging life. And so, I’m looking forward to another milestone in my blogging career.

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Basically, I feature a list of some of the notable posts for the entire year in an annual year-end post. But due to a great number of posts published within a year (with the last year being the busiest), I had a hard time deciding which ones I should include on the annual list of notable posts, so I decided to feature some of the posts from January to June in the mid-year special, and the posts from July to December in the year-end special.

Well then, here are some of the selected posts from the first-half of 2018, in chronological order.

#2017: One Remarkable Year

A special post recounting the good (and bad) things that happened during that year. Some of the remarkable things that happened include the first time I attended an otaku event and the book fair. Even though the year 2017 didn’t end up replicating the best year of my life (the year 2005), it is still remarkable in its own way.

#TWATKcox5th: The Fifth Year Anniversary Special

The 200th post/5th year anniversary special is a review of TWATKcox’s first five years in the cyberspace. It also features some snippets from most of the blog’s posts within a five-year period.

Mornings, Alarms, And Waking Up

This post tells about the struggles of waking up early and providing tips from setting a sleep schedule to setting the alarm to a suitable time for those who have problems resetting their body clock.

#Throwback: KCOX, The Writer

This throwback post recounts my earlier experiences as a frustrated [story] writer. Perhaps this is where I share my fascination with writing dark-themed stories, as well as producing a lot of drafts that were never finished.

The Things I’ll Never Experience [E]

And here I was, lamenting about some things I never get to experience. From not attending the prom to a reunion with some of my friends/classmates, these are the things that are now impossible for me to experience now that it’s all over. I was having a quarter-life crisis back when I wrote this.

Age Is Nothing But A Curse: A Harsh Reality Check [E]

It is intended to be an angry post about growing up, but I ended up writing about the things that older people have to deal with, such as age-related discrimination, mingling with younger people, enjoying (and giving up) their childhood hobbies, and health problems. Of course, I still do provide a rant about the fact that I’m not getting any younger, possibly because there are some things I never get to do when I had the chance.

#Throwback: Lonely Fourth Grade

A throwback post about my lonely life as a fourth grader. It is during that time when I first experienced rejection from most of my classmates and the fact that I was feeling a little depressed since I only have a couple of friends to hang out with. It is one of the darkest moments of my childhood, but not to the point of pushing over the edge just because of a simple case of rejection.

A Digital Disaster: From Problem To Recovery

A special post that deals with hard drive failure, data recovery, and the importance of creating multiple backups of important files. I wrote this a couple of months after the old hard drive (which contained most of my mobile phone and smartphone photos, music, video, and document files) failed and some of the contents became corrupted and unreadable. It took me long enough to salvage most of the files from the failing hard drive, as well as taking some time off from blogging to focus on recovering the corrupted/damaged files.

The Kin Keihan Times, Year X (225th Post Special)

A special commemorative post for my former blog, the Kin Keihan Times. This is where I recount my earlier blogging experience, as well as my former blog’s history. It is the predecessor to my current blog, The World According To KCOX.

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And there you have it, these are some of the featured posts for the first-half of this year. Six months and thirty posts, that’s quite a lot. Anyway, there’s still six months left before the year ends, and there’s a lot of notable posts to look forward to.

Watch out for the second part featuring the posts from July to December on January 2019.

i150W: Stormy Weather

It’s that time of the year when everything goes dark and cold. Then there comes the sound of thunder, and the raindrops keep crashing down non-stop.

The monsoon, commonly known as the wet season, usually happens from June to October. While there’s the possibility of a typhoon all year round, it is during these months when most typhoons occur in the tropics, causing floods and landslides in affected areas. The most severe typhoons can be more destructive, causing damage to crops, infrastructures, and houses made of light materials.

During a storm, the rain is often accompanied by strong winds, making it difficult for a person to go out, even with an umbrella. So in this case, most people would rather stay inside the house than risk the chance of getting wet. Also, it’s important to stay healthy and be prepared in emergency situations. Remember to keep safe at all times.

 

The Kin Keihan Times, Year X (225th Post Special)

Today marks the Kin Keihan Times‘ tenth year in the cyberspace. Even though the blog ended its run just as it was about to reach its fifth year more than five years ago, it still remains a part of my blogging life for it is the predecessor to The World According To KCOX.

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Back when I started the Kin Keihan Times, I was just starting college. Well, I couldn’t think of what to write for my debut post so I decided to copy and paste the entire About Me section of my Friendster profile. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to copy something from my own Friendster profile or some other websites since that may give the blog’s visitors (mostly friends) the impression that I don’t write original content, but what matters is that I introduced myself.

Of course, I’ve only just started blogging that time so I’m not yet used to this kind of life, but eventually, I was getting the hang of it. I find myself writing a few more posts which features some of my [past] experiences, and later, I started posting literary pieces. Prior to having an internet connection, I usually do the writing at home, then head to the nearest internet café, and upload it to my blog. I don’t usually pay attention to grammatical errors that time, I mean no matter how hard I try to make sure that my posts are easy to read and understand, only a few people will visit my blog anyway.

I initially hosted my blog on Friendster Blogs. It is automatically connected to my Friendster account so I wouldn’t have to worry about reaching out to my immediate audience–my friends. I can always say that I did a good job at maintaining my blog and I somehow connect to my immediate audience, but eventually, I need to reach out and attract a lot of potential audiences aside from my friends. So far, I don’t have any followers and my blog went unnoticed. Back then, I didn’t really care much about it, for as long as I can keep on posting new content whenever I have free time.

I never schedule my posts as I only write and post content when I’m not too busy with school activities. So I ended up posting about 40+ articles within a two-and-a-half year period. That’s okay since I’m not yet a serious blogger and my posts looked somewhat amateurish, with grammatical errors and some inconsistencies. I still need to improve.

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In May 2010, KKT on Blogger was launched, serving as the mirror site for my blog. It’s been around for a few months before I decided to shut it down and moved to WordPress. I then created a secondary blog, the KKT Literary Corner, to handle my literary posts. Of course, the original blog on Friendster Blogs is still operational until the following year. I also launched the blog’s Facebook page by year-end to promote some of my posts and regularly update my followers on some upcoming posts.

In June 2011, Friendster, along with its blogging service, bid farewell. By that time, the KKT had already reached its third year. Since Friendster’s demise, I decided to revamp the KKT’s WordPress site so I can turn it into my primary blog. The original blog’s contents are then transferred to WordPress under the name The Original Kin Keihan Times a.k.a the KKT Archives, which still exists as of June 2018. And in September 2011, the spin-off to the KKT, The World According To KCOX on Tumblr, was launched. This is where I post some updates regarding KKT’s upcoming posts and some important announcements, as well as a whole bunch of comical nonsense.

I then keep on writing new posts and keep searching for ideas for my upcoming posts. It was around this time when I was currently working on the Timeline series. The first eleven posts, which were originally published on the KKT, were eventually reposted to my new blog, TWATKcox.

In the end, I was thinking of shutting down the blog and start a new one. And so, after four years and seven months, the KKT bid farewell and TWATKcox-WP began operations the following day. All of the posts from the main blog, the Literary Corner and its Tumblr spin-off were all moved to the KKT Archives, and its Facebook page was rebranded to its current incarnation as TWATKcox’s Facebook page. Meanwhile, the Tumblr page now serves as TWATKcox-WP’s mirror site. It is where I post updates on my upcoming posts as well as exclusive content.

It’s all over for KKT. May the blog that I worked on since college remain in the hearts and minds of a handful of followers.

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For more than four and a half years, the KKT was a representation of my early career as a blogger and the posts simply become a record of my early experience in blogging/writing articles and literary works. Just reading some of them makes me wonder how come I’ve written that kind of [embarrassing] stuff. But it gives me the feeling of nostalgia too, along with my college memories and some inspiration from a lot of things. I made it this far by means of practice… even though no one ever reads my blog posts.

―from Remembering The Kin Keihan Times (The 125th Post)

Four years and seven months. The posts from all of the blog’s incarnations and its spin-offs are compiled and migrated to the archives. Some of these posts are reposted on TWATKcox, including the Timeline series posts. I have plans to revive the Literaryfest on TWATKcox-Tumblr later this year, while a couple of literary posts will be rewritten and reposted on TWATKcox-WP the following year. Right now, the KKT Archives is no longer maintained but will remain on the blogosphere for the sake of posterity.

The World According To KCOX now serves as my primary blog, featuring mostly my experiences ideas, thoughts, interests, and helpful reminders and tips on various things or situations. I still write and publish some of my literary pieces on this blog, but on a sporadic basis. Some of the posts are written in a similar fashion to my former blog, but with some improvements.

I still visit the KKT Archives every once in a while and read some of my old posts. They’re not that good, but they’re not that bad either. Regardless, they’re part of my blogging history and will always be.


Come to think of it, I’ve already reached my tenth year in the blogging world. It is through my undying determination that I actually made it this far.

Well, it was quite an experience for a dedicated blogger like me despite the countless hurdles I encountered along the way. Ten years is enough to make a nice impression that I blog for such a long time, and I (and my writing) somehow improved through time. For now, I consider blogging as a hobby, but there’s a chance that I might turn this so-called hobby into a profession… someday.

A Much-Needed Upgrade

Change is constant. And that’s where upgrades come in. You can say that change is basically an update of all sorts, more like moving out of an outdated lifestyle and into a hipper and cooler one.

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I may not be into the latest trends, but I sure know how to level up. I mean, what’s the point of following the latest trends if you’re not feeling up to it? What matters is that you get to improve yourself without having to follow others.

All right, so here comes the wardrobe first. You know how I’m pretty much obsessed with mixing and matching some clothes to create better-looking outfits. Back then, it’s just a T-shirt and the button shirt or jacket on top. And then there’s the beige coat that I bought at a thrift shop. Since then, I started buying more pieces of clothing, including a black spandex blazer that I rarely wore these days, some anime shirts, a black fleece coat that I wore often whenever I go out, and the black knitted vest. I somehow made a drastic change to the way I dress up, but I’m really proud of it.

And then there are some other upgrades too, like gadgets and accessories. I got my new phone a few months ago and it serves as my new mobile assistant, with a larger screen, better camera, and a large room for storage expansion. I’m pretty much used to using the device now, and I find myself browsing smoothly through the web pages and playing games without lagging, unlike my old smartphone. As for the accessories, well, I’m planning to buy some new bracelets and some fancy-looking stuff such as pocket watches and brooches.

In the end, you’ll probably have to change/replace everything you have right now once they go out of style and become outdated. Talk about another upgrade, that is…

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Well then, is there a need for an upgrade? It depends on how you look at it.

You know, if you’re looking to level up your outfits, then you might want to research about the latest fashion trends without having to imitate everything you see in fashion magazines or some online fashion blogs. When you buy a piece of clothing, you have to consider the possibility of incorporating it into the rest of your existing wardrobe. Don’t forget to raid your wardrobe for some clothes that are rarely worn but in good condition, just make sure that they still fit.

When it comes to your accessories, do you still wear the same bracelet when you go out? Maybe you can shop for some new ones. And when you shop for shoes and bags, make sure that it can go with any of your outfits so you don’t have to hoard as much. Be practical.

About your looks, you can really do something about it. That’s what makeovers are for, right? They’re here to improve a person’s appearance, and it’s not just your hair, your face, and your body. After all, some people tend to look at the aesthetic side of things, especially at a person’s appearance.

In shopping for the latest gadgets and appliances, it’s okay to choose something with higher specs and high-end features, as long as you can really afford it and you wouldn’t have a hard time using such high-tech features. The purpose of buying new gadgets and appliances is to improve the quality of life, and certainly not to brag about.

You don’t have to get yourself stuck in the same, old, boring lifestyle that you’re living in. Remember, there’s always an option to move out and level up to a better life. After all, change is constant so you’ll have to live through it or miss out on a lot of things.

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Change is constant, yes. And so are upgrades.

There’s always a good reason to switch from something outdated to something updated. I know some of you would rather stick to the ones you have right now, but then it’s not a bad idea to try something new. After all, there’ll always be room for improvements.

Remember, you don’t have to conform to the latest trends just to say that you’ve accomplished that much-needed upgrade. Anything that suits your ever-changing lifestyle will do, as long as it’s not too outdated and/or old-fashioned.

A Digital Disaster: From Problem To Recovery

On the night following my last mall-hopping trip mid-April, I was about to transfer some of the photos to the old hard drive on my PC when I suddenly noticed that there was something wrong with one of the folders. I tried to click on it and I was horrified to know that the folder is already corrupted. I then freaked out and called my brother who was in the room to tell him that there’s something going on with the old hard drive. He came to check what’s happening and sure enough, there was something wrong with the old hard drive.

He went back inside the room and handed me the external hard drive so I can copy some of the files that I can salvage from the failing hard drive. But it was a tiring and stressful process, not to mention slow and extremely time-consuming. For the next few days, I was dealing with recovering some of the corrupted files on the drive, including my cherished smartphone pics and some music and video files.

Eventually, I was able to recover most of the files. Unfortunately, some of the image files (mostly JPGs and PNGs) are damaged, but at least I was able to retrieve my otherwise lost smartphone pics. Everything went well, except that there’s no space in the new hard drive, where the OS was installed. So the files will have to remain on the external hard drive for the time being.

This incident may prove to be disastrous if you’re totally unprepared for it. Just imagine the distress I’ve gone through in recovering these files.

Understanding Hard Drive Failure And Data Loss

The hard drive is one of the most common data storage devices for computers. Hard drives currently available in the market today have the storage capacity ranging from 500 gigabytes to about 6 terabytes. Of course, the higher the capacity, the more files you can store in a single hard drive… and of course, more expensive.

But no matter how small or large the hard drive’s capacity is, they only have an average lifespan of five years since some mechanical parts wear out. In addition, there are certain factors which may lead to hard drive failure including extreme factors (such as fire and water damage), exposure to high magnetic fields, and suffering a sharp impact or environmental contamination leading to head crash.^

Hard drive failure occurs when a hard disk drive malfunctions and any stored data in it cannot be accessed with a properly configured computer. It may happen during normal usage or prematurely due to reasons aforementioned.

So in case you’re trying to access something on your hard drive but it shows an error message preventing you from accessing the folder or the file, then chances are your file is corrupted and unreadable. Also, if you try to boot your PC, Scandisk or CHKDSK may run to check your drive for errors, which will usually take a longer time to finish depending on how much bad sectors your drive has.

Data loss is an error condition in the information system in which information is destroyed by failures or neglect in storage, transmission, or processing.^ Data loss isn’t just all about losing data to a failing hard drive. Sometimes, malware or computer viruses may wipe all your data out, rendering them corrupted or inaccessible.

Signs Of A Failing Hard Drive^^

  • Strange clicking or humming noises coming from the hard drive
  • Repeated program crashes or errors
  • Files or folders took long to read/load
  • Corrupted data
  • Accumulation of bad sectors

In Case Of A Failing Hard Drive

In case something inevitable happens, try to diagnose the problem first to see whether the problem is in the hard drive itself or the connecting cables. Sometimes, it could be a virus or malware that corrupts the files. But if your hard drive is more or less five years old, then there’s a possibility that it will ultimately give up due to some mechanical parts wearing out.

If that’s the case, then try to recover as much data as possible. You can use data backup software to copy the files to your backup drive, preferably removable storage media. You can also use data recovery software or send your hard drive to a data recovery service, but there’s no guarantee that all of the affected files on the failing hard drive will be recovered.

How To Avoid The Inevitable Hard Disk Drive Failure And Data Loss

Back up your files often, especially the more important ones such as documents, pictures, and anything you consider valuable. There are a lot of storage options available, mostly optical drives or removable drives. There’s also cloud-based storage which offers about 5 to 15 gigabytes of free storage allowance, though you’ll have to pay if you need more than that.

Take good care of your hard drive by keeping it away from magnets and static electricity, avoiding exposure to dust and other elements, avoiding impact, keeping it ventilated, and checking the disk for errors. These can prolong the lifespan of your hard drive and keep your files safe from corruption.

Conclusion

Right now, the old hard drive is disconnected from the PC and the files are saved on the external hard drive. There are plans to buy a new hard drive, but that would have to wait, unfortunately.

This is not the first time we encountered this problem. A few years ago, I just noticed that there’s something wrong with the hard drive and told my brother about it. Luckily, we were able to backup everything to a new drive, the same drive that was about to give up soon. This time, however, it was a little too late for us to backup everything.

So far, I managed to rescue most of the files, and the rest are either no longer recoverable or just a bunch of redundant junk that should be left behind. I was hoping that I can have access to these files without the need to plug in the external hard drive everytime I need something.

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Since that unfortunate incident, I was still feeling anxious about the fact that I still lose some of the files to a failing hard drive. This should really teach us a lesson on the importance of keeping backups of the most important files, especially the ones that are truly irreplaceable. Sometimes, it really pays to have multiple copies of your most valuable files, no matter how redundant it is.

Always remember to back up your files and don’t ignore the warning signs of a failing hard drive. Don’t wait for your hard drive to give up on you before you even start doing a backup of your precious files.

#Throwback: Lonely Fourth Grade

“If you met a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they had tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

Jodi Picoult

It was about eighteen years ago when I, then a fourth-grade student, first experienced the harsh reality of being rejected and ignored by my classmates. I consider this as one of my earliest dark moments in life. And it’s only just the beginning of my miserable life at school.

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I can no longer recall the exact moment when my classmates started ignoring me, but I believed that it happened around August or September. I suddenly felt that I was unceremoniously ignored by my classmates and they wouldn’t let me join them in their games. At least there are a couple of my classmates whom I hang out with, one of them is a longtime classmate and friend since kindergarten and a weird transfer student whom I thought was a nice girl at first. Anyway, they’re the only people I knew who would want to hang out with me during that time.

I don’t know if they’re doing this on purpose simply because they don’t like me. Anyway, I didn’t mind it at first considering that they only wanted to hang out with the more popular ones and not some kind of commoner like me. But as time passed by, I started to feel sad and lonely, but not to the point of breaking down. I was trying to hold back my tears that time, something I managed to do anyway until about the end of school year.

My classmates, on the other hand, are having such a wonderful time hanging out with their peers. They do stuff such as playing tag or some kind of children’s games, and at times playing with one of my classmate’s Gameboy. I was feeling kind of envious that time that I wanted to sit down in the corner and watch. I don’t think they’ll even remember that I exist, except during a couple of occasions such as representing our class for Mr. and Ms. [name of school], something I’m not really proud of as of this time.

And speaking of being a not-so-proud candidate for Mr. [name of school], I just happened to be paired up with that weird transfer student, who eventually didn’t make it to the coronation day since she’s not feeling well. Anyway, after that event, I become popular with girls but only for a short period of time. And then I’m back to my lonely self once again.

I don’t know what is going on with me by the time that school year ends. Just as I thought it’s already summer vacation, I decided to spend time with my bicycle making rounds along our street. Of course, school isn’t over yet but for some reason, I don’t feel like going that time. In the end, I did.

So do you think my lonely school life ends here? Of course, not. It continued until I finished high school. You can actually say that this is the reason why I become a loner without anyone to hang out with. As for the weird transfer student, well, she transferred to another school right after that school year. Looks like she’s easily forgotten by my classmates and I’m kind of feel sorry for her. She sure must have experienced the same thing as mine, or so I thought.

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To be honest, this isn’t something worth sharing since it happened a long time ago and this is some kind of childish memory I wanted to forget, but this should give you the idea why until now I’m still struggling to make friends and hanging out with my classmates. All I know is that they hardly knew I existed, and I felt the same towards them.

Overall, I simply find that school year extremely boring and depressing. And I want no part of it. Good thing I didn’t have a computer that time, or else I could have been much worse than that. Seriously.

i150W: Catching Up

I may have missed a lot of fun things but there’s a chance for me to catch up on the ones I’ve missed.

My stubbornness is keeping me from reaching my desired goals in life, therefore, there are a lot of things and experiences I never get to try. Of course, there are some things that are reachable, yet didn’t grab it while given a chance.

Right now, I’m catching up on some interesting things like watching anime shows and reading books, trying out various things, eating out, discovering good stuff… you know, something I consider meaningful in life. I know some of you will agree to this.

Anyway, my ultimate goal in life once I have a new job is to keep on doing the things I love while I still have the chance. Maybe I need to pull myself together and hold on to my dreams and desires.

The Rainfall

I’m not the kind of person who loves the rain, but sometimes I find comfort in it. Why is that?

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Rain is considered a miracle for some, but not for others. It usually starts with a gray cloud, but sometimes there’s no need for the grayness of the sky in order for the rain to fall down. Either way, it happens.

The moment it starts raining, all I can think of is how to protect myself from getting wet especially when going out. I may have the umbrella at least, but there’s no telling if that will actually protect me from a light to heavy downpour. Not only that, I really hate the possibility of getting my shoes and feet wet from a stream of rainwater flooding down the roadside. That’s the reason why I always feel uncomfortable when there’s a possibility of a light to heavy rain whenever I go out.

But sometimes, the rain can bring comfort to those who can’t bear the extreme heat of the sun. You see, the rain cools the wind, making the warm air turn cold temporarily. Well, that’s something I should be happy about, considering that it’s really a pain to deal with the hot weather that can make me feel all sweaty and uncomfortable at the same time.

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Well, I consider rain as a misfortune in some ways. First of all, the preceding sign of a rainfall, the dark cloud, makes it a little darker. The sound of thunder is sometimes heard, it’s impossible not to hear one since it’s incredibly audible enough to scare some people. And then the rainfall occurs, sometimes accompanied by harsh winds that makes it impossible for you to go out, even with your rain gear. In addition, your laundry will take forever to dry and the roadside will be filled with rainwater. It may last for a few minutes to a couple of hours, or even days if it’s a storm.

Being the rain-hater I was, I find it impossible to enjoy its refreshing benefits. At times, I tend to feel depressed just thinking about it. It’s no surprise that rain can add a little weight to a person’s emotions, hence some people would often associate rain with sadness.

I can’t imagine myself sitting down on the corner with a mug of hot chocolate in hand and enjoying the sound of rain. But I can take a stroll down the street wearing all-black clothing, wallow myself in a bunch of dark emotions and think of dark thoughts. Sounds emotionally dangerous, right? Well, I can only do this during a light rainfall, otherwise, I’ll just have to wait for the rain to stop before continuing my stroll.

After the rain, there’s always a need to avoid mud and rain puddles. I just find them disgusting, not to mention that I don’t want my clothing to be splashed with mud and looking dirty. Is there a way to avoid such possibility?

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The rainy season is coming pretty soon. Whether you like it or not, the rain falls down for some reason. And there’s no way to control or stop its downpour.

So should I prepare for a downpour of comfort and misfortune? Probably. Oh well… there are some ways to get around this, but always remember to stay dry and make sure to bring an umbrella at all times.