Awkwardness Is…

Awkwardness can either spell coolness or disaster… depending on how awkward the situation is. Well, there’s a possibility of encountering (and experiencing) such awkward moments, and this happens due to a variety of reasons.

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Awkwardness is… when my movements aren’t that perfect. Well, I am like that. I tend to look around while I’m walking as if I’m doing some sightseeing. Maybe I was admiring the storefronts and the surroundings, and sometimes the interiors. But I don’t think they’ll see this as normal. So I’m awkward then?

Awkwardness is… when I ask a wrong question. Like for example, when I ask a cool-looking cosplayer regarding what anime series does the character [he was cosplaying] appear, only to be told that it was something else (like a video game or an online game). I couldn’t hear what he was saying due to the crowd cheers at the otaku event, so I ended up nodding without understanding everything. I was a little embarrassed by my wrong question but I quickly recovered and went on to listen to the panel forum about fandom. Well, sometimes, asking a wrong question can be embarrassing to both the person who was asking and the person being asked.

Awkwardness is… when I said something irrelevant. Case in point, when everybody’s talking about an anime series and someone was blurting out some reference(s) unrelated to what they’re talking about. A simple mistake of saying irrelevant remarks and comments turn into an embarrassing mistake.

Awkwardness is… when there’s a misunderstanding. It would be embarrassing to think that you may have gotten the right message, only to be told that it’s something else.

Awkwardness is… when you’re clumsy enough to cause a mishap, like accidentally crashing into a buffet table or accidentally kiss someone (which is purely unintentional but made intentional by someone who witnessed the incident). Seriously, accidents do happen and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but then it might have an impact on their dignity if it involves touching someone in an inappropriate place.

Awkwardness is… when you fail to perform your duty or obligation. Well, there’s a way to redeem yourself, but the embarrassment you got from a bunch of failures may still cost you your dignity and/or your reputation.

Awkwardness is… when you’re caught in an embarrassing act. I need not to elaborate on this one.

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We all have our awkward experiences, and some of them are really embarrassing that we don’t want any part of it to be brought up. But, on the bright side, awkwardness can alert us of our social expectations and boundaries, and motivate us in order to avoid repeating the same mistake over and over again.^

Whatever we do, we tend to get the attention of the people. So for example, when your pants fall down to reveal a hideous pair of boxers, there’s a tendency that you’ll attract unwanted attention. It may be unintentional, but it can be embarrassingly awkward for the guy. Another example is when your clumsiness caused a series of untoward incidents. It’s not your fault that you’re clumsy, but people see it as a case of carelessness, so that’s considered a pretty awkward situation.

Of course, there are some awkward situations that don’t attract attention. Like when you approach someone you thought was familiar, only to end up feeling embarrassed because you actually approached a wrong person. Well, that happened to me a few times, and I never approach anyone again, except if I really know the person.

There are ways to redeem yourself during these awkward moments. Take a deep breath, relax, and act as if nothing happened. Apologize if you have to. And don’t let these awkward moments in life affect you personally and emotionally.

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In the end, these awkward situations in life are not meant to make you feel embarrassed about your actions. These may actually serve as a guide in order for you to not repeat the same mistakes again.

To be honest, sometimes it’s cool to be awkward… as long as it’s socially and morally acceptable. After all, we all have our awkward moments too.

Quirkiness Through Fashion

Ever wonder why I always dress like that? It’s because I can express myself better through my unusual outfits.

It’s no secret that I’m heavily influenced by what I see on TV, magazines, manga books, anime shows, and the internet. The good looking guys get to enjoy what they wear, whether it’s a simple outfit or an unusually creative one. More than ten years ago, I was hoping to be creative when it comes to outfits, but my mom insists on making me wear simple outfits. But that changed during the first half of my first year in college.

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It all starts with my [simple] color combination outfit of red shirt and black slacks. I had to admit, I was trying to make a good impression by means of dressing up nicely. And then it was followed by a series of double layered outfits, mostly button up shirts on top of my colored and graphic shirts. I only get to do this during enrollments and certain events such as my friends’ birthdays.

Back in college, I bought a couple of hoodie jackets (red and black) and a maroon fleece zipper vest. These are sometimes worn on top of my school uniform, for a cool student look. And it doesn’t stop there.

After graduating from college, my affinity for unusual outfits has developed. Since 2013, I bought a khaki blazer coat, a beige coat, a black wool coat, a black spandex blazer, a black knitted cardigan, a plain black baseball shirt, a black knitted vest, a black cotton cardigan, a black knitted blazer, and a black fleece knee-length coat. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have a hard time deciding on my next outfit the moment I plan my next trip.

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Well, let me share some thoughts about donning quirky outfits.

Being a creative person, I generally don’t follow the latest fashion trends and I find simple outfits boring. Maybe I want to stand out from the rest, but it’s the joy of wearing an unusual outfit that counts.

I love mixing and matching, with the clothes I have in my closet. Since then, I’m used to wearing layered outfits, usually button shirts on top of the usual colored/graphic T-shirts. More recently, I started wearing jackets, blazers, knee-length coats and knitted vests over my black anime T-shirt. As for the pants, I always wear black slacks.

I always consider color combinations when it comes to outfits. My favorite color combinations are black and gray, black and red, black and orange, and black and brown. At times, when I feel like it, I wear all-black. But of course, I can always pair black with any color, even pink. You can never go wrong with black, right?

Sometimes, my narcissism is getting real apparent. I always believe that I look good in these unusual (but good looking) outfits. Of course, some people may find it strange that they thought I am completely out of this world… well, not exactly that. I owe this fashion creativity to the now defunct Yahoo Avatars, where I can dress up my avatar in a more fashionable way. Isn’t that amazing?

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All right, here are some of my ideas for a creative OOTD (outfit of the day).

  • I love wearing layered outfits, so I’ll start with the inner clothing. It’s basically a t-shirt or a collared shirt, plain one or with print. I usually prefer black or any dark color for a t-shirt, or any color for a collared shirt.
  • Color combination matters. Most colors go well with black. Some color combinations, however, can be an eyesore for some, especially if they don’t match (like yellow-blue).
  • Hoodie jackets, zipper vests, baseball shirts and button shirts are perfect for t-shirts. Knitted vests and cardigans are perfect for collar shirts. Blazers and coats can be worn with either a t-shirt or a collared shirt, depending on your preference.
  • For pants, I always go for neutral colors such as black, gray and brown. Most of the time, it’s always black. I always wear slacks or chino trousers.
  • Some accessories (such as my sun visor hats, flat top caps, fingerless gloves and a canvas belt) are always in black, in order to match my mostly black outfit. Though all of my socks are in black, I also have a pair of red socks, which I wear on occasion.
  • A black handkerchief tied on your wrist or an improvised ribbon neck tie can add character to your OOTD. A tribal necklace, a leather bracelet or a nice pocket watch can enhance your [otherwise] simple outfit.

Shyness Is A State Of Mind…

Um… how to explain this, uh… I am, er, Keihancarl and I’m…

There are times when I can hardly express myself to a group of people, and I tend to stutter when I talk. Also, I find it difficult and awkward for me to maintain an eye contact with the person I was talking to. And I develop a fear of humiliation so I had a hard time asking someone for help or starting a conversation. I’m not good at such things.

Yes, I have to admit that I’m a shy person and I’m stuck with it since childhood. I don’t usually socialize with people, I don’t talk too much, I don’t mingle with anybody. I can’t make a move without feeling awkward. I can’t talk without stuttering. I don’t have the courage to approach someone I know, ask for directions, or inquire about the details.

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Back when I was in elementary, I remember hiding in a hall near the bedroom when one of my classmates came over. Until now, I couldn’t come up with a good reason for hiding from him. In sixth grade, I experienced a great deal of rejection and as a result, I had a hard time making friends out of fear of getting rejected. In high school, I started developing a fear of embarrassment, and that’s how I often hesitated to do some errands like submitting papers to a teacher who is teaching another class. In college, I can hardly crack anyone up when I try to say something funny. That’s when I decided that I’m only good at serious stuff and I never crack another joke again so I won’t get ridiculed.

There are some things that I managed to do anyway. Like for example, I did apply as an intern for a TV station as part of my OJT and I never let my shyness hold me back, in the name of compliance.

Still, I tend to wait for someone to come out just to be let in, something that I usually do nowadays whenever I got invited. Oh well, when will I overcome this?

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Shyness, which is also called diffidence, is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is around other people.^ People who are shy may have low self-esteem, which later evolves into social anxiety or social phobia if they can’t overcome their shyness.

Shy people tend to feel uncomfortable in certain social situations, such as a party or a social gathering. They have thoughts of what people might say about their behavior so they’re scared of doing and saying anything in order to save themselves from negative reactions, rejection, criticism and humiliation. Also, social skills is not much of a priority in schools, and teachers tend to ask in a direct and intimidating manner so students may not have a chance to develop their social skills.^^

There are some reasons why you are held back by your shyness. It’s probably due to the fact that you are harshly humiliated and rejected by your peers, you are severely attacked and criticized by some people, you are being ridiculed for your actions and your bad experiences in life, or you are afraid of speaking up. And then you suddenly developed a fear of rejection and humiliation, and these can affect your self-esteem. You’re no longer comfortable about seeing familiar people or walking up to the HR department and applying for a job on your own. Sometimes, you wished that you can overcome your shyness, but how?

Fortunately, there are some ways to overcome your shyness.

  • Try to act confidently. If you’re used to wearing black socks, then try wearing red ones… or maybe mismatched socks. Or if you’re used to wearing simple outfits, why not try on something unusual, such as a knitted vest over your collar t-shirt or a black fleece coat over your red shirt. At first, you may feel conspicuous, but in the end you’ll no longer worry about how people may think.^ It just shows that people don’t pay attention to your outfit, but more importantly you learn something from this experience… and that is you get to express yourself without your shyness getting in the way.
  • Try to engage in small talk. If you can handle practicing your speech in front of a mirror, then you can handle a simple conversation with someone. Just a light topic will do.
  • Practice your movements. Say, if you tend to walk or act awkwardly during a social event, then you’re just showing these people how shy you are. It’s time to change that, make sure to act properly and act proud, as if you’re the star of the night. Soon, you’ll forget about your shyness, and at the same time you get to enjoy yourself.
  • Don’t forget to smile. This can help you relax and feel comfortable about yourself. It can also put the people around you at ease. This can also help you manage your anxiety, which is one of the root cause of your shyness.
  • Try to put yourself in a lot of social situations.^ Then imagine how fun it is to be a part of the event. This should wear out your shyness and put out your fears about certain situations that can affect your confidence.
  • Never let rejections and humiliations scare you, it’s part of life. Reassure yourself that everything will be fine. Just learn to accept and move on.
  • Seek help. If you keep your shyness to yourself, then who will help you overcome such an obstacle in your life?

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Shyness is a state of mind. It is created by your way of thinking^, and it is what’s holding you back and getting in the way of achieving your goals in life. It’s an obstacle that’s difficult to get past if you’re not keen on working around this problem.

A Cynical Life [E]

NOTE: The following rant (in italics) is a product of my increased frustrations in life and are not meant to be taken seriously. This post should not raise concerns regarding my negative views about my life and my future, but rather to share what’s on my mind and perhaps give some advice on dealing with your pessimistic attitude towards life. Remember, there’s no telling when this pessimistic view of mine might change.

[@kcox105] [#twatkcox]


Sometimes, I feel like doubting my future.

I had to admit, I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m growing old and I always believe that I’m a few years younger. Also, I believe that growing old is the worst thing that can happen to me. I hate the thought that I have to work five or six times a week and spend less time on the things that I love. Because of growing up, I lose a lot of friends due to work. A grown up life is a life full of problems and responsibilities, nothing special.

I’m already twenty-six years old (as of this writing), but I still act like an eighteen year old. Considering the fact that I still don’t accept the fact that I’m growing older, that should be the reason why I’m trying to look and act young, and dismissing the thought of acting like a grown-up. I don’t care if you call me immature, just let me be.

Of course, growing up means getting married and starting a family. But after witnessing the horrors of my parents’ marriage, I’m determined to close the doors on marriage for good. So don’t ask me when will I get married, because I’m not getting married. Also, I’m not interested in having a romantic relationship with anyone, so drop it.

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To be honest, there are some things not worth looking forward to. Yes, I’m referring to the ones that I mentioned early on this post. The reason why I say such things is because I’m extremely frustrated about my life in general, and I feel like I’m denied the privilege to experience the best things in life when I was young.

It really sucks when you simply can’t accept the fact that everything happens for a good reason. Well sometimes, the “good reason” is actually the opposite, and you suffer from a great deal of misfortune that is associated with the so-called “good reason”. So at times, you’re dismissing the fact that there are brighter days ahead, just because you’re having a bad day or you’re having a bad experience about certain things in life.

I hate this. Just thinking about this harsh reality makes me feel depressed… so depressed that I tend to say anything negative. I’m putting myself down in the process.

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Being cynical is being pessimistic about everything in life. You tend to see the negative side of things, even if these piqued your interest. You also tend to doubt and disregard the good intentions of others, thinking that they’re only thinking of themselves and no one else. You don’t trust them even if they do trust you a lot. You loathe anything nice and you always think of the worst possibilities in life. You’re (obviously) on the dark side.

It really pains me a lot to think that I’m a cynical being, though only on occasion. Perhaps I let my personal grudge and frustration take over my happy well-being. Like for example, on April Fool’s day, two of my classmates from senior year in high school approached me. Apparently, these people are planning a reunion and are hoping to invite me in that so-called friendly gathering. Of course I turned down their invitation in a straightforward manner, and told them that I didn’t know who they are and I don’t trust them. Afterwards, I walked off and checked my Facebook Messenger for their reactions. To be honest though, not all of them are bad. Well… some of them are, but I don’t trust them altogether since they’re in the same section. Who knows, I’m thinking of severing ties with them for good. Going back, regardless of how well they’ve changed over the years, they’re still the same people who made my life miserable. And now, my life is even more miserable than before.

Cynical people tend to have shorter life span^, probably due to their unhealthy behavior. Ditching optimism in favor of pessimism may have a great impact on your health, increasing the chance of getting dementia and/or heart disease.

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If you really wish to lure yourself out of cynicism, here are some tips in order to overcome your negativity.

Luring yourself out of cynicism can be difficult if you don’t understand and address your own problems. So try to understand the reason why you’re being cynical. That means you need to figure out and address the cause of your pessimism that leads to your negative thinking. Also, be aware of your cynical thoughts and ask yourself if you’re fine with it. Try to be optimistic more often, it’s not a bad idea to stray away from your cynical thoughts every once in a while. Find inspiration from positive people and look into their good qualities.^

But then again, cynicism isn’t at all bad. Just make sure that your cynicism does you anything good, like saving yourself from trouble. Otherwise, you’re doing yourself more harm than good and you’ll live a miserable, lonely life for good.

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Hard to believe, hard to accept… in the end, your cynical life is gonna hurt you more than a breakup, growing older, or even death. Let’s face it, we all have our negative views in life, but that shouldn’t stop us from looking at life from a positive perspective.

Right now, I’m trying hard to lure myself out of this cynical life. I just hope that I can find someone to talk this with, and train myself to be more positive.

Fantasies, In Real Life

When was the time when I feel like I was that character from an anime series, or making up my own? When was the time when I was drawing some made up characters in their unusual get up? Looks like I’ve already made up a lot of fantasies, but of course it’s unlikely to happen… unless you go ahead and make some changes in your lifestyle, along with some makeover and all that.

Anything make believe is said to be frowned upon by some, but I don’t really care about it that much. I always thought that anything that’s on my mind is much more interesting than anything that’s part of reality. In other words, my life is much more interesting inside my head.

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It all began in third grade (about 17 years ago) and a hit anime series, Pokémon, premiered on prime time. Before, such shows are aired in the afternoons, and at times extended into the prime time slot. Friday nights are generally reserved for anime shows due to the fact that it mainly targets the young audiences (mostly students). It just happened that I was hooked to that show, which was then aired during Friday nights, and I often dreamed of waking up in a different world, similar to the one I was watching.

And then it continued during fifth grade, and this time a detective anime series, Detective Conan (also known as Case Closed in the US), aired during weekday afternoons. But I wasn’t fantasizing about being the kid detective, but rather I was having weird thoughts about something else… something mysterious. It’s difficult to explain at this point, but it’s about someone with weird experience. Totally unrelated, but that show fueled that kind of strange thoughts.

And here comes sixth grade, the time when I started making up a few characters, notably the cool looking kid with glasses (later known as the spiky haired cool kid with glasses). At first, I find it quite awkward to portray that character, until I started wearing glasses the following year. Yup, inspired by that anime series I watched three years ago, but with a different plot and not-so-childish scenes that is deemed too serious for a kid to handle. I was portraying that role (usually in my head), at times complete with a few lines and actions, done discreetly out of others’ presence. Nowadays, I do this occasionally… but only in my head.

In college, I just happen to read a baseball novel, The Make-Believe Ball Player by Alfred Slote, which is all about a kid named Henry Smith who loves playing make-believe games until he got himself into a dangerous situation, where he impersonates his dad and his baseball coach to scare away the burglars. The story ends with Henry being hailed as a hero and playing for the Sampson Park Tigers. The book itself is an interesting read, and I thought… I can be like him. Someday, maybe.

Well, if these childhood fantasies may eventually evolve into a dream-come-true situation, mine needs a lot of effort… and a lot of work. Still, I’m living the dream of being a writer, as well as creating my own identity similar to the made-up character from sixth grade. Who knows, even at twenty-six, I can achieve that look and live with it.

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Fantasies, dreams, and anything make-believe… these are common to children with a high level of imagination. Of course, they tend to overdo it at times, which can cause annoyance and/or worry from some parents, thinking that their children are talking to themselves and acting out some scenes by themselves.

So why are we fantasizing about something? What makes it quite interesting?

  • We all have our dreams and goals, but not all of them can be achieved… just yet. So in the meantime, they tend to fantasize about it.
  • We wanted to portray something, like being in that scene or acting like a popular or made-up character, usually in our minds. Something to entertain ourselves, perhaps.
  • We sometimes need to escape from reality, so we just imagine ourselves in a dreamy or pleasant situation.
  • Sometimes, we treat fantasies as a creative guide in order to achieve something, just like achieving that character’s good looks or outfit, or living that good life you’ve always dreamed of. In other words, fantasies sometimes pave way for creativity, and can help us plan for the future.^

Of course, too much of these fantasies can affect you mentally, especially when you’re mistaking fantasies for reality.^ There’s a possibility of a delusional disorder, schizophrenia or paraphilia, if these fantasies go out of control.

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Living our fantasies in restraint and in our heads is one thing, mistaking fantasies for reality is another. Sometimes, I often thought of forgetting such imitative fantasies and get in touch with reality. But then, I’m not too old for such fantasies, for as long as I don’t let it go out of control.

Expressions, In Light And Dark: The Six Poems, Written By KCOX [L]

For TWATKcox’s 166th post, I’ve written six poems dealing with a range of topics, from optimism to loneliness, from good times to painful memories. The six poems written for this post are divided into two groups: the light themed poems and the dark themed poems.


LOOKING FORWARD

I always anticipate the good things in life
That I manage to cheer up for a good reason
My expectations always keep me high
That I tend to foresee anything that’s good
And disregard anything that’s bad
So much for waiting too long for this to happen
Without even realizing if it’s worth the wait
But then, my sense of optimism prevails
And I believe that it will soon happen
Without having to think of a possible disappointment
I’m looking forward to the best things in life
Enough to keep me smile and enjoy the moment

INSPIRATIONS

A reason for being
A reason to keep going
A fond memory of a certain person
Or the ones you love the most
A certain kind of motivation
A big fan of your great achievements
A supportive loved one
Rooting for your success
They’re the driving force
They’re here for you to do well
Keeping you off the edge of hopelessness
And onward to success
They’re right behind you
Pushing you to keep going
They’re the ones you always look up to
When you’re on the path to achievement

HAPPINESS IS…

Happiness is…
Meeting an old friend
Thinking of someone
Visiting a place
Recounting the good times
And embarrassing experiences
Having fun
Doing the things you love
Listening to good music
Watching favorite shows
Reading a lot of books
Going somewhere
Expressing yourself
Being creative
Discovering great things
Going on a trip
Finding peace and quiet
Celebrating your existence
Enjoying a great moment
Living a good life…
And most of all
Making everyone happy

A DARK REMEMBRANCE

A painful memory
A miserable past
A horrible incident
A psychological trauma
We all remember our own bad experiences
And we wanted to forget them
But we can’t even get them off our minds
They remain inside us
For as long as we live
We can always recall everything that happened
Witnessing the horrors of violence
And the tragic incidents
The world goes dark
You feel the chills
And you can’t snap out of it
Haunted by your thoughts
The fear of madness is taking control of you
You’re breaking down
You’re losing your sanity
And you can’t control your emotions
It’s gonna be a long, difficult journey
To get back to your usual self…
You may have recovered from this distress
You may have endured the pain you’ve been through
But these experiences will remain
A reminder of your dark past

IN BLACK AND GRAY

The darkness of black
The neutrality of gray
Together, they both match
And they share the same traits
A combination of colors
That invokes negativity
Lost in the emptiness
Colorless and lifeless

Combining these colors
Makes an emotional person
Whose life is filled
With such intense gloom
Feeling lost and indecisive
Feeling aloof and pessimistic
Is this color combination
Too much to handle?

A subdued life imagined
Wearing these two colors
That gives the impression
Of giving bad vibes
But let me tell you this
It depends on how you see it
These colors are wonderful
If they’re not used too often

THE LIFE OF AN UNHAPPY LONER

Being a loner is tough
I have no friends
I have no companions
I have no acquaintances
I hang out with no one but myself
In this tough, cruel world
There’s no one to rely on
I’m on my own, without any help
I tried to make friends
But they all turn me down
Now I can’t join them
I spend most of the days alone
By the park or in the library
At times, I feel envious
Just seeing a bunch of people
Hanging out and having fun
I feel kind of hopeless
I wanted to make friends
But I don’t know if they’ll like me
I just sat down and wonder
What will happen to me
When I grow old and all alone
Just thinking about this
Makes me feel depressed
I’m still hoping, one of these days
Someone will come up
And try to make friends with me
I don’t know, but I won’t expect
That this will happen anytime soon
Because I’ve already accepted the fact
That I’ll always be an unhappy loner
And I’ll die an unhappy loner

My Quirky Ways

You always thought of me as strange, weird, and at times awkward. Well, I don’t mind.

I feel like I’m different from the rest of the bunch, not that I refuse to be one of them. It’s just that I want to follow my own trend. And the way I act, I tend to be awkward at all times, even if I try not to act like one.

Perhaps, there’s something in my quirky personality and/or my behavior that is, well, intriguing for a normal person. That’s okay, we all have our quirky ways and it’s not that kind of creepy. I probably got used to it as I grow up. There’s no reason to be put off by my strangeness, I’m perfectly fine… except that I’m (a little/quite/entirely) different from the rest of the bunch.

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Now that you (probably) understand what it means to live an unusual life, let me share some of these facts about myself:

  • Fashion–Yes, you always see me dress differently from the rest of the bunch. I love the unconventional way of dressing up (such as wearing knee length coats and knitted vests) and adding various accessories (such as ribbons or ties) to what I usually wear in order to achieve a certain look. I always do this regardless of the fashion trends, climate and/or the people’s reactions on the way I dress. For me, fashion is an expression of who you are. In other words, “you are what you dress”.
  • Food–I love to cook, and I love to make certain modifications and additions to the recipe. Like adding pork cracklings (chicharon) to the pancit bihon or onion leeks to the creamy macaroni soup. It’s basically my preference, though there are some people who disapprove this kind of experimentation. Oh well, I’m actually planning to bake a chicken, marinated in adobo sauce and served with potatoes.
  • Places and itineraries–I generally follow a pattern of places to visit, especially along a certain route. This is done to save time and money, I’m always that efficient. Also, I always make sure that every corner of the mall is visited. I don’t know, but I usually do this out of curiosity, and then it becomes a habit. And of course, I always do this while listening to a set playlist. Some of the songs serves as a signal, like when I should be at this area or a certain place when that particular song is played.
  • Writing stories and articles–There’s no set time to write about various light topics, but there is a set time when I’m writing emotional and dark themed articles and stories. I’m not comfortable writing emotional and dark themed articles and stories in daytime and with people roaming around the house, so I generally do this at night, when everyone else is asleep.
  • Listening to music and watching anime series–Light and easy listening music generally tops the choice of music for mid-day to afternoon listening, while emotionally haunting music is reserved for late night listening. At times, I listen to a smooth jazz station while listening to my own playlist during Sunday nights, until 2:00 AM the next day. I sometimes listen to an upbeat or relaxing track on loop when I feel like it. Watching anime series on my smartphone while cooking dinner is more of an unusual multitasking activity, but at times I watch certain anime shows on my PC.
  • On friends and persons of interest–I always tend to be shy and awkward around my friends and classmates, and I had a hard time expressing myself properly. Just seeing some of their pictures on Facebook and Instagram gives me this strange feeling. I tend to feel awkward when I run into some of my male friends and classmates or see their (cute or embarrassing) photos, and I tend to act (a little) strange around my female friends and classmates.
  • Interests–My choice of music (usually jazz and easy listening) and shows to watch (especially anime and informative shows) sets me apart from the rest of my peers, but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to remark on how unusual I am due to my choices. To each their own.
  • Expression–I tend to be cryptic when it comes to expressing myself. Maybe it’s the fear of humiliation I’m experiencing right now or I was really the quiet person and I had a hard time expressing myself verbally.
  • Obsessions–There are some kinds of obsessions that can be perceived as weird or unusual, in this case I love downloading some interesting fan art pictures of my favorite male characters from different anime series and use them as a PC or smartphone wallpaper. Some of these fan art pics features the characters in their cute sleeping positions, some of them drooling. So much for the obsession, but whatever.

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Yeah, now that I share some weird facts about myself, you thought… what’s with this person, watching anime while cooking or listening to a radio station while listening to his own playlist? All right, so these are my common (weird) rituals that may seem strange to you, but something that I do anyway. Like I said, we all have our quirky ways. We just have to live with it.

i150W: Obsessions

Let’s define obsession. It’s basically a preoccupation or the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image or desire.^ 

There are some things that we are so obsessed about. It could be a person, an item, or anything that’s worth the preoccupation. But while your mind is preoccupied with your obsessions, you tend to crave for it more than you should, up to the point where the changes in a person’s behavior becomes noticeable. At times it tends to get disturbing and inappropriate, and may require professional help.

We all have our own obsessions in life. Whether it’s a hobby that you’re so engrossed about, or collecting various things… or filling your mind with thoughts about that person, there’s always a reason for every kind of obsession. There’s nothing wrong with being obsessed about something, for as long as it’s not a product of a disturbing thought.

Goodbye, Student Life (Timeline College Series #18)

This post officially concludes the Timeline College Series. The final post for the TCS serves as a throwback to my college graduation that happened five years ago.


This chapter will soon close, yet another chapter will soon open. It’s time to move on.

Keihancarl Oikou Xiaucham (@kcox105)

It’s only a few weeks before the college graduation. We’re done with the indie film, and we’re having the final exam for European Literature. I’ve already submitted the documentation for the second OJT at PTV-4, and I somehow managed to finish the literary analysis for selected works by Yevgeny Yevtushenko and Charles Baudelaire. To be honest, I had a hard time analyzing such works, but I did it anyway.

If I recall correctly, there was a career orientation seminar and submitting the requirements for the upcoming graduation, and later the transcript of records and the diploma. Right now, I only got the transcript of records, but not the diploma and the yearbook. I don’t know, but I haven’t thought of dropping by my college as of the moment.

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The moment of achievement has finally arrived… the time when I finished college. It is certainly a life changing moment for me, for I’ll be joining thousands of fellow graduates who are struggling to get hired, struggling to support themselves (and their families) in this challenging world of uncertain futures.

A few days before the graduation, we had our graduation rehearsal inside the campus. The rehearsal also includes memorizing our graduation song, and we were expected to sing it very well. I missed the first day of the rehearsal though, but that didn’t matter. We also had our baccalaureate mass at the church closest to our college, basically a message to all of the graduates.

The college graduation was held at the Folk Arts Theater in Manila, on the 19th of April. It includes all of the graduating students from all courses, as well as graduate students taking up master’s degree. I suddenly had this bittersweet feeling now that I finished college and I’ll tentatively embark on my chosen career. This marks the end of my student life and I have to move on to the next chapter.

The day ends with a family dinner at a mall in Makati, and that concludes my college life. The next day, everything is going to be different, for I’m no longer a student but a soon-to-be young professional who’s expected to find a job, but only managed a short stint as a call center agent a year-and-a-half later.


This chapter ends, but another one opens. I’m planning to recount some events that happened after this series, in a separate post. Watch out for it soon.

i150W: Summer

It’s that time of the year when the heat of the sun is getting intense. The warm and bright sunny weather makes a perfect reason for us to head to the pool or to the beach for a swim, and to indulge ourselves to cold treats like refreshing cool drinks or ice cream.

It’s that time of the year when we take some time off from the stressful daily life and plan a summer getaway. We usually go to resorts or some scenic places in the country, or even out of the country. Wouldn’t it be nice if we get to relax, at least every once in a while?

Of course, we need to protect ourselves from the sun’s UV rays. Take lots of fluids and wear light clothing, and make sure to use sunblock when going out. Don’t forget the umbrella as well.

Remember, stay cool and have fun!