In Black And Gray… Uncertainties And Anxieties

These past few days, I feel like wearing all-black (sometimes, black and gray) whenever I go to work. I’ve done that for almost two weeks, ever since I bought that double-breasted black coat that would help me throughout the cold nights and inside the chilling office. That helps me alleviate the need to express through words, they now have the idea that I’m still in the transition stage.

Graveyard shift means not enjoying the entire day and feeling sluggish at night. There are times when I feel like enjoying it, there are times when I don’t feel like enjoying it… it’s not easy to adjust. I did well, but I really have other plans in mind. I don’t know, but knowing my strengths and weaknesses, it’s really difficult to give up and I couldn’t tell if I need to quit and start looking for a perfect job that really suits my ability and my capacity.

My future depends on my decisions, and how I’m going to face it. I don’t just take things as it is, I take it as means of moving on. But whenever I decide on one thing, I keep having second thoughts and doubts. And once I’m there, I keep muttering that I should have pushed through with the other choice instead. Through time, I was getting there… but deep inside, I knew I should have been wise in making decisions. At least, I now have the idea what it is all about.

Should anything happens regarding my future, I’m prepared for the outcome. It’s not yet the end, but I feel like I need to take another road. And maybe that would take me out of this anxiety and start enjoying my usual life once again. But the experiences I gain should definitely help me redeem my self-confidence as well as my bright hopes for a better life.

In Black And Gray… What These Colors Mean?

Black and gray are one of my favorite combinations. But this color combination is sometimes associated with negativity. I’ve already seen a lot of people wearing all-black, whether they’re depressed or not, in high spirits or in a troubled mood… or simply undergoing a transition phase to adulthood… or maybe to shed a few inches off your body (from just looking at it, but… absolutely not).

Black denotes darkness, a concept of being hidden in the shadows and disregarding light. It’s purely emotional and depressing. Negativity aside, it represents power, class, and elegance. Boring as it is, I find it mysterious. I don’t know, but I feel more comfortable wearing all-black at times and I don’t feel like pairing it with any other colors. I fancy black as if I don’t care what it really means. Personally, I pair it with red, orange or brown.

Gray denotes neutrality, a calmer approach to being in a middle of these two colors with opposite characteristics. But then, I sometimes experience getting lost while wearing an all-gray outfit. I don’t know, but I was like being indecisive of whatever I was doing. Well, not always. But anyway, I often pair it with black as they really match (in my own perspective).

Together, it totally brings out angst and anxiety… and in my case, the desire to be alone. I’m more comfortable being with no one but myself. But then, am I really lost in this colorful world? Absolutely not 100%. I’m still trying to get over it, and I’m still working on it.

No matter what these two colors signify, I want to make sure that these colors should definitely not rule you and your life. It’s just a matter of preference and choice. But of course, you may never know when it’s going to affect you.

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