Sometimes, I wish I would reconnect my life to the time when I could still enjoy my childhood at school without being ignored and rejected. I never experienced it that much and I know that it’s hard to live with. I never did learn how to hang out with my friends and that is the best-worst thing that ever happened.
I know that some of my friends in elementary and high school are still enjoying hanging out with their fellow buddies. I chose to remain hidden, and hanging out with no one but myself. That can change, especially when my closest friends will invite me to an outing or a simple get together. For me, I value them since they’re the only ones that I have left.
I’m kind of suffering from this misfit ever since fourth grade, and until now I’m still kind of wishing that I experience that same kind of life as theirs. But since I knew better, I’d rather steer clear of such influences. Besides, if ever I’ll be included in their circle, I’ll experience culture shock just because I’m completely different from the rest of that particular group.
Just seeing their pictures or checking their Facebook profiles makes you wish you could have done better to redeem yourself from all the bad things that happened and to impress them. But I see that isn’t working for me and I have to move on. I won’t be fitting in their group, but I don’t want to be left out.
Nowadays, I simply enjoy being myself, being an introvert and being outside the circle. That gives me the privilege to enjoy life without being pressured to do some crazy stuff, spending a lot of money and partying a lot. With that kind of life, I have control over my own habits. But I’m still open to invites though, but expect that I need time to think twice before joining.
Whatever happens in my life should not impact my ambitions and successes that I’ve yet to achieve. But I’m still grateful that there are some people who were there to support me, and I’ll give my best to support them in any way I can.
2014… How time flies. I’ve met a lot of people, I’ve made a lot of friends, and I’ve also met a few acquaintances for the particular time being. I’ve changed a bit, but I’m still in the dark, trying to find my way into the light.
I strive to make it up to my closest people in my circle, and to hang out with them whenever possible. I also need to reconnect to my long lost friends and have a nice chat in person. It’s never too late.
It’s more than ten years, and I somehow managed to endure this misfit… something that I should have done about. It doesn’t matter. Being happy with myself is the best thing that matters. A positive outlook will compliment that as well.