In This Discouraging Life [E]

This post is highly offensive to some people. Read it at your own risk. I’m not responsible for anything caused by this article.

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I have become downhearted, I have become discouraged, I have become depressed. I’m just like you. I’m a human being and I have my problems.

You can never be grateful to your miserable past. Yes, since more than ten years ago.

Meeting different people, befriending different people, hanging out with different people. It’s not always the same as before, yet I still did. For me, this is kind of weird, but then I feel like giving in. Otherwise, it’s a lonely life for me.

There’s more to it than that. Anything includes the feeling of being rejected, being deprived, being depressed, being taunted, being alone, being temperamental, being doubtful… and of course, being resentful. In other words, the negative side of life.

Old Forgotten Friends

When was the last time I see them? Five years? Ten years? It’s been so long that they become insignificant to me, partly because I never felt the same happiness as theirs. That doesn’t matter anyway, I’m happy just being myself and nothing else.

Back in elementary, some of my former classmates are much into selective friendship. This means excluding me from their own kind of activities, which is fine if you didn’t feel that kind of a special attachment to them. Like for example, a former classmate of mine who had a Gameboy would like to lend it to some of his friends, but certainly not to me. This is the perfect example of selective friendship.

Anyway, elementary life in a private school is nothing more than a boastful environment. Absolutely terrible. So that’s why I left. And I was hoping that I wouldn’t feel the same kind of misery upon moving to a public school. Since then, I never had any communication with them, and I don’t think they’ll miss me that much. Sorry for being negative here, but…

Senior High School

Even after leaving my former school for another, I still experience being bullied in some occasions. It seems like it’s not going to stop. And it can only get worse.

Next to my former classmates in elementary, some of  my classmates in senior high possessed this kind of horrible attitude as it asking them to behave isn’t enough. Idiotic, stupid, worthless people. And why do they succeed in life where they aren’t supposed to be that? I don’t know.

Anyway, senior high is the worst year of my academic life. Thanks to them, I missed some of the events and refused to attend some, mainly because of them. They are the least group of people to be remembered. And I still refused to go to their reunions.

Demotivated Due To Discouragements

I remember my Math teacher saying that being a teacher doesn’t suit me. To be honest, I always get distracted whenever she began her lesson as if I was feeling bored and/or feeling like leaving the classroom for breaks.

Fast forward 2012, someone encouraged me to take up Education units as I have the possible potential of becoming a teacher. However, I decided to shelve the idea of being a teacher since I wanted to focus on my intended career (possibly as a writer) and enjoy life as I want it.

I thought of applying for a call center job within a year and a half of being unemployed. I was able to land the job at a call center company based in Makati, but then I’m starting to think if I’m really going to enjoy what I’m doing as a Customer Service Representative. The training sure is fun, but the actual work is far from fun. I’m starting to burn out in a row of mismanaged calls and angry foreign customers, despite the training that I had. I somehow managed to survive the first few weeks but I’m not happy with my job so I decided to quit after a few months.

The moment of resigning from the company still as a CSR in training sure was a tough moment for me. I need to find a new job. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find one, anything outside the call center industry. I attended numerous job fairs, only to be served the same menu and I soon give up.

Now, back to zero. I sometimes thought of working as a freelancer, but then I have problems focusing on my task when I’m at home. I believe that I can do my task better inside the workplace, just like the strict working environment of a call center.

I don’t know if I’ll ever rise from this discouraging life. I don’t know.

Conclusion

I can’t help being negative in this tough world. I can survive anything, but I’m not a well-motivated person. I’m absolutely nothing compared to my former classmates and friends, who were no successful in their chosen field.

To discourage or be discouraged… some people think that the world is full of negativity and doubt, without hope, and without life. It’s depressing. I hate to say this, but life is a bunch of challenges and discouragements without relief. We used to live in misery, we might still live in misery. Letting yourself discouraged by what was happening around you leads you to this.

Well, you can never be grateful to your miserable past. Really.

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