I had a feeling that there are some things worth regretting for.
Looking back, I never had a chance to hang out with some of my so-called friends… in fact, they never let me join them in their fun activities. So that’s the reason why I’m having a hard time making friends and I’m no longer comfortable hanging out with anybody. I simply prefer to remain a loner for I grew up being like that. But then, I’m starting to worry about being a loner for the rest of my life.
I never experienced having a crush on someone, and until now I never had an interest in girls. I always thought that romantic relationships are for young adults, but it’s usually prevalent during high school and college. Some of my classmates have their crushes, some have their lovers… I find it quite normal, I guess. But I’m not gonna have one. I don’t know if I’ll ever ask anyone out. I mean, I’m not good at communicating with someone so I’m not good at (something like) that.
High school and college days are meant to be enjoyed, up to the fullest. It is the only time where you’ll gain a lot of fun experiences that may never happen again once you graduated, started working and have a family of your own. In my case, however, there are some things that I never get to experience after all.
I do write stories, but I didn’t even bother to contribute a written work while I had the chance. Back then, some of my written drafts are poorly written, but I think I can make some improvements to these unfinished stories. Well, I never did, owing to having a writer’s block and lack of concentration while writing stories. I also lack imagination too, and I only focus on writing stories with a morbid, dark theme.
All this time, I wanted to keep blaming myself for being an underachiever. I’m not good. I’m not.
Here are some of the missing moments of my life, the ones I never get to experience.
- I never joined any contests. I knew that there are some reasons why I don’t join any contests, I was always hesitant about this sort of thing.
- It’s a shame that we didn’t get to join the prom back when I was in third-year [high school], as it’s just the seniors (fourth-year high school students) who get to enjoy that special night. It’s a shame that I decided to skip that moment too, as a fourth-year high school student, considering that it’s the only time I’ll be able to attend that wonderful event. But that didn’t matter much to me… except I never get to see my friends and their formal outfits.
- Sleepovers… I’ve never stayed overnight at a friend’s house. I wonder what it feels like to stay at my friend’s house for a night… it’s kind of strange just thinking about it. Well, at least I did spend the night at my friend’s debut party, but that doesn’t count since it was held at a resort and I stayed up late that night (and I have classes the following day).
- I spent most of the time alone, either I never get to hang out with some of my classmates or I never get along with them. Kind of sad, for they’re the ones who can make wonderful memories with you.
- Being an average person, I don’t excel in my studies very well. So I never had the chance to hang out with the best people in my class. Even if I did befriend at least one of them, it would be kind of embarrassing on my part. I can’t fit in.
- I never had the chance to do what my classmates in college suggested me to do: submit a piece of literary work. I don’t know, but it seems that I’m not that good enough. So much for my self-deprecation.
Well, these are some of the missing moments in my life that can only happen once in a lifetime. Pass up a chance and you will never have another chance to do it. Ever.
To regret or not to regret? That is the question. Missing chances is missing chances, that’s what it is. If you never had a chance to be a part of that once-in-a-lifetime event, chances are you’ll never experience anything like that again, not even in a hundred years. Well, life can be that harsh sometimes, you’ll just have to accept it.
But then, what’s the point of looking back, if these missing moments of your life bring you misery and pain? I know how it feels, and that makes me wish I’ve never passed up that chance. I can’t go back and change everything, that’s for sure. So I’m trying to make the most of my life while I still can.
I hate to recall some of the things that I never experience in my entire life, so I’m doing the best I can in order to catch up. Otherwise, my life is completely over.