A Cynical Life [E]

NOTE: The following rant (in italics) is a product of my increased frustrations in life and are not meant to be taken seriously. This post should not raise concerns regarding my negative views about my life and my future, but rather to share what’s on my mind and perhaps give some advice on dealing with your pessimistic attitude towards life. Remember, there’s no telling when this pessimistic view of mine might change.

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Sometimes, I feel like doubting my future.

I had to admit, I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m growing old and I always believe that I’m a few years younger. Also, I believe that growing old is the worst thing that can happen to me. I hate the thought that I have to work five or six times a week and spend less time on the things that I love. Because of growing up, I lose a lot of friends due to work. A grown up life is a life full of problems and responsibilities, nothing special.

I’m already twenty-six years old (as of this writing), but I still act like an eighteen year old. Considering the fact that I still don’t accept the fact that I’m growing older, that should be the reason why I’m trying to look and act young, and dismissing the thought of acting like a grown-up. I don’t care if you call me immature, just let me be.

Of course, growing up means getting married and starting a family. But after witnessing the horrors of my parents’ marriage, I’m determined to close the doors on marriage for good. So don’t ask me when will I get married, because I’m not getting married. Also, I’m not interested in having a romantic relationship with anyone, so drop it.

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To be honest, there are some things not worth looking forward to. Yes, I’m referring to the ones that I mentioned early on this post. The reason why I say such things is because I’m extremely frustrated about my life in general, and I feel like I’m denied the privilege to experience the best things in life when I was young.

It really sucks when you simply can’t accept the fact that everything happens for a good reason. Well sometimes, the “good reason” is actually the opposite, and you suffer from a great deal of misfortune that is associated with the so-called “good reason”. So at times, you’re dismissing the fact that there are brighter days ahead, just because you’re having a bad day or you’re having a bad experience about certain things in life.

I hate this. Just thinking about this harsh reality makes me feel depressed… so depressed that I tend to say anything negative. I’m putting myself down in the process.

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Being cynical is being pessimistic about everything in life. You tend to see the negative side of things, even if these piqued your interest. You also tend to doubt and disregard the good intentions of others, thinking that they’re only thinking of themselves and no one else. You don’t trust them even if they do trust you a lot. You loathe anything nice and you always think of the worst possibilities in life. You’re (obviously) on the dark side.

It really pains me a lot to think that I’m a cynical being, though only on occasion. Perhaps I let my personal grudge and frustration take over my happy well-being. Like for example, on April Fool’s day, two of my classmates from senior year in high school approached me. Apparently, these people are planning a reunion and are hoping to invite me in that so-called friendly gathering. Of course I turned down their invitation in a straightforward manner, and told them that I didn’t know who they are and I don’t trust them. Afterwards, I walked off and checked my Facebook Messenger for their reactions. To be honest though, not all of them are bad. Well… some of them are, but I don’t trust them altogether since they’re in the same section. Who knows, I’m thinking of severing ties with them for good. Going back, regardless of how well they’ve changed over the years, they’re still the same people who made my life miserable. And now, my life is even more miserable than before.

Cynical people tend to have shorter life span^, probably due to their unhealthy behavior. Ditching optimism in favor of pessimism may have a great impact on your health, increasing the chance of getting dementia and/or heart disease.

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If you really wish to lure yourself out of cynicism, here are some tips in order to overcome your negativity.

Luring yourself out of cynicism can be difficult if you don’t understand and address your own problems. So try to understand the reason why you’re being cynical. That means you need to figure out and address the cause of your pessimism that leads to your negative thinking. Also, be aware of your cynical thoughts and ask yourself if you’re fine with it. Try to be optimistic more often, it’s not a bad idea to stray away from your cynical thoughts every once in a while. Find inspiration from positive people and look into their good qualities.^

But then again, cynicism isn’t at all bad. Just make sure that your cynicism does you anything good, like saving yourself from trouble. Otherwise, you’re doing yourself more harm than good and you’ll live a miserable, lonely life for good.

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Hard to believe, hard to accept… in the end, your cynical life is gonna hurt you more than a breakup, growing older, or even death. Let’s face it, we all have our negative views in life, but that shouldn’t stop us from looking at life from a positive perspective.

Right now, I’m trying hard to lure myself out of this cynical life. I just hope that I can find someone to talk this with, and train myself to be more positive.

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