Expressions, In Light And Dark: The Six Poems, Written By KCOX [L]

For TWATKcox’s 166th post, I’ve written six poems dealing with a range of topics, from optimism to loneliness, from good times to painful memories. The six poems written for this post are divided into two groups: the light themed poems and the dark themed poems.


LOOKING FORWARD

I always anticipate the good things in life
That I manage to cheer up for a good reason
My expectations always keep me high
That I tend to foresee anything that’s good
And disregard anything that’s bad
So much for waiting too long for this to happen
Without even realizing if it’s worth the wait
But then, my sense of optimism prevails
And I believe that it will soon happen
Without having to think of a possible disappointment
I’m looking forward to the best things in life
Enough to manage a smile and enjoy the moment

INSPIRATIONS

A reason for being
A reason to keep going
A fond memory of a certain person
Or the ones you love the most
A certain kind of motivation
A big fan of your great achievements
A supportive loved one
Rooting for your success
They’re the driving force
They’re here for you to do well
Keeping you on the edge of hopelessness
And onward to success
They’re right behind you
Pushing you to keep going
They’re the ones you always look up to
When you’re on the path to achievement

HAPPINESS IS…

Happiness is…
Meeting an old friend
Thinking of someone
Visiting a place
Recounting the good times
And embarrassing experiences
Having fun
Doing the things you love
Listening to good music
Watching favorite shows
Reading a lot of books
Going somewhere
Expressing yourself
Being creative
Discovering great things
Going on a trip
Finding peace and quiet
Celebrating your existence
Enjoying a great moment
Living a good life…
And most of all
Making everyone happy

A DARK REMEMBRANCE

A painful memory
A miserable past
A horrible incident
A psychological trauma
We all remember our own bad experiences
And we wanted to forget them
But we can’t even get them off our minds
They remain inside us
For as long as we live
We can always recall everything that happened
Witnessing the horrors of violence
And the tragic incidents
The world goes dark
You feel the chills
And you can’t snap out of it
Haunted by your thoughts
The fear of madness is taking control of you
You’re breaking down
You’re losing your sanity
And you can’t control your emotions
It’s gonna be a long, difficult journey
To get back to your usual self…
You may have recovered from this distress
You may have endured the pain you’ve been through
But these experiences will remain
A reminder of your dark past

IN BLACK AND GRAY

The darkness of black
The neutrality of gray
Together, they both match
And they share the same traits
A combination of colors
That invokes negativity
Lost in the emptiness
Colorless and lifeless

Combining these colors
Makes an emotional person
Whose life is filled
With such intense gloom
Feeling lost and indecisive
Feeling aloof and pessimistic
Is this color combination
Too much to handle?

A subdued life imagined
Wearing these two colors
That gives the impression
Of giving bad vibes
But let me tell you this
It depends on how you see it
These colors are wonderful
If they’re not used too often

THE LIFE OF AN UNHAPPY LONER

Being a loner is tough
I have no friends
I have no companions
I have no acquaintances
I hang out with no one but myself
In this tough, cruel world
There’s no one to rely on
I’m on my own, without any help
I tried to make friends
But they all turn me down
Now I can’t join them
I spend most of the days alone
By the park or in the library
At times, I feel envious
Just seeing a bunch of people
Hanging out and having fun
I feel kind of hopeless
I wanted to make friends
But I don’t know if they’ll like me
I just sat down and wonder
What will happen to me
When I grow old and all alone
Just thinking about this
Makes me feel depressed
I’m still hoping, one of these days
Someone will come up
And try to make friends with me
I don’t know, but I won’t expect
That this will happen anytime soon
Because I’ve already accepted the fact
That I’ll always be an unhappy loner
And I’ll die an unhappy loner

Advertisements

The 100th Post: The Darker Side Of The Story–With A Depressing Plot [L+A] [E]

All right! So far, so good. I’ve reached a hundred posts already? In fact, I just did.

In this special post, I’m going to share my views about writing stories with disturbing content. This is in celebration of my first novella Season Of Darkness which was written and finished by me, Keihancarl, five years ago. All this and more, right here in this 100th post.


Since I finished my first novella Season Of Darkness five years ago, I was quite worried about the reader’s reactions to the story. Well, I had a hard time finishing the story due to the story’s disturbing ending. I began writing the said novella back in September 2009 and finished it around April or May 2010. I’m a second year college student back then, and I never imagined that I could write (and finish) such a tragic story at that age.

That was followed by another novella The Madcap two years later. Originally intended to be a morbid tale entitled Nightmares, I decided to tone down such disturbing elements and make it a real survival story instead of the supposedly tragic ending.

##########

Back in 2007, I started writing a morbid story entitled Nightmares, which remains unfinished as of this writing. I did rewrite the unfinished story years later under a new title (The Madcap), but then I decided to change the intended ending of the story for two reasons: One, the ending was way too morbid–just imagine a lead character stabbing himself in the chest with a rusted blade; and two, I don’t want every story to end with a lead character taking his own life due to misery and depression, that would sound redundant (not to mention the fact that I don’t want to kill my characters for this purpose–that might sound horrible).

The following year, I wanted to start a series that deals with a lot of topics including angst, violence, self-harm and personal struggles. But then, I still haven’t finished a thing, just a few chapters. Among these stories I wanted to rewrite in the future is a story of the unwanted child, banished from the house because of his brother’s death and ended up living alone in an old bungalow, despite the young age. He was living a depressing life, slitting his wrist and trying to smile, as if he never had a problem… and later hanged himself due to unbearable loneliness. I did try to rewrite this story with various titles, from White Ribbon (symbolizing innocence) to A Matter Of Trust (a more appropriate title, if that character didn’t die in the end).

In March 2009, I wrote a short story entitled Wasted Chances, which was the second one published on my former blog The Kin Keihan Times (the first one is Sadness Within). It featured a 14-year-old boy named Elliot, an orphan. He lost both his parents and his three siblings in an accident, leaving him depressed and devastated that he wanted to die. Though his friend Allandra keep asking him to live his life to the fullest, he went on ahead and decided to kill himself by means of heading straight to a speeding truck.

Since then, I’m working on my first novella, Season Of Darkness. I began writing the said novella September that year and finished it by May 2010. It then featured an orphan named Elliot “Blink” Youden, living with a foster family and enduring a lot of personal struggles that involved acceptance, bullying and depression until he decided to kill himself a week before his birthday… so much for a disturbing ending.

##########

Why write such dark, gruesome and depressing stories? Why can’t I write some funny, humorous story with a wacky ending?

Well actually, I don’t limit myself to writing unusually dark and depressing stories. In fact, I can write stories involving comedy and romance. But then, I’m more into writing stories featuring serious and dramatic content, at times incorporating dark elements in these stories just because they seem more realistic. I mean, I’m not that cheesy enough to write romantic stories, and I can’t make people laugh hard enough to write funny stories.

Oh, and by the way, regarding the names of my characters… well, I’m fond of creating unusual and hard-to-pronounce names (like in the case of my pseudonym Keihancarl Oikou Xiaucham or the main character Elliot “Blink” Youden from Season Of Darkness), a product of my strange imagination.

 ##########

Well, what makes a good, dark, angst-ridden story? From the main characters up to the ending, here’s the guide according to me, KCOX:

The Main Character(s)–The people involved in the story. I always make up names, especially the family name to make it sound more fictional. Looks don’t matter… but in my stories, I always prefer guys with glasses, generally of slight build, spiky or short hair, and always well-dressed (usually wearing all-black or combination of black-red and black-gray). They either tend to be the good one (kind of shy and cheerful, but deep inside he was anxious and lonely) or the bad one (usually judgmental and insensitive, much like he’s losing hope, but there’s still a little bit of kindness left in him and that led him to either change his attitude or lose it and become completely devoid of sympathy). They are always silent or are not talking too much, leading to the curiosity of the supporting/secondary characters. Usually, the main character is the one being made fun of, bullied, humiliated, abandoned, beaten up, abused, orphaned [and at times, adopted], at a loss [over someone’s death]… and of course, deprived of a chance to live in happiness. Because of their unbearable suffering, they often resort to self-harm or seeking revenge against people (who were behind the main character’s suffering).

The Setting–The story can happen at any time you wish. As for the place, it doesn’t always have to be a dilapidated old house or a neat dwelling along the alley filled with rubbish or rubble. Well, depending on the situation, the location could be a nice, comfortable home or an old campus with creepy-looking buildings and dark hallways.

The Emotion–Typically sad and depressing, invoking angst and dread. Of course, some stories don’t have to be too depressing for you to leave you in tears, just a slight of it is okay.

The Scenes (Past)–It may involve some violent and heart breaking situations such as false accusations, a death of a close friend/loved one, and so on. These can be best interpreted as flashbacks, though these may be included in the prologue or the first few chapters of the story.

The Scenes (Present)–These may contain confrontations, hatred, revenge, severe violence, survival, near-death situations, recovery, and so on. I might say that these are the typical elements found in these dark (and depressing) stories.

The Ending–It can be a happy ending or a tragic ending. It depends on the intentions of the writer of the story.


Now that I featured my passion for writing stories with dark and disturbing content, I know that I might garner praise or criticism for my work. If that is the case, then I’m sure there are others too. But no matter how dark and disturbing your story is, what matters is that you get to show your craft by means of expression through literature.

As for Season Of Darkness, it’s still a work in progress and I’m planning to do a lot of revisions to it, probably in the future. But in the meantime, here are some excerpts. Take note that these excerpts are slightly edited for this purpose, the original work can be found here.

##########

Season Of Darkness, Chapter 20

One afternoon, he ran into Mr. Hawklien at the riverside park. Mr. Hawklien was walking his dog on the trail, which became his daily habit. From the look on Blink’s face, he knew what’s going on with him.

“My, is that you Blink?” Mr. Hawklien asked, quite surprised at his expression. “But what happened to you?”

They walked a bit and finally found a place to sit down and talk.

“You know all about Tim, am I right?” Blink asked wistfully as he took off his glasses, revealing a bleak look in his eyes.

“Yes, but why?” Mr. Hawklien asked. This time, he was a bit worried.

Blink lay down on the mead, looking at the red-orange sky. “He took his own life at the age of thirteen. That’s because of depression. I had read some of his journals and maybe, the way he wrote his feelings in there, it is concluded that he was a poor victim of injustice.”

Mr. Hawklien sighed. “But not all the time Blink. Remember, there are certain times that he was happy. Of course, with a bunch of friends. It seems like they all turned their backs on him.”

“I see then.”

“You seem to be affected.”

“Maybe. I’m afraid that one day, they’ll soon turn their backs on me. I experienced that once, and I don’t think I’m going to survive the next one.”

“It’s not going to happen, Blink. If it does then it’s a matter of choice between destruction and survival. It’s up to you, your decision counts.”

Blink looked down and nodded.

“So I guess that explains that Tim chose destruction…”

“But not all people who chose destruction would rather kill themselves by any means. It could also mean moving out of school, moving out of town… or perhaps, having insanity.”

Blink sighed heavily as he put his glasses back on.

“There’s no point in committing suicide, you hear? That could put your family into a bigger problem.”

“I didn’t say that I wanted to end it all.”

“Well, just hope that everything will be fine for you. If I were you, I would choose survival.”

A few minutes of silence followed.

“Well, I guess that’s all for today,” Blink said as he slowly got up.

“Blink, through all these times, we were so much worried about you… me and my wife. I doubt you will ever make it through this strife. But then, one day, you will find a way to get out of this room filled with troubles and problems. And living a perfect life.”

Blink nodded as though he understood everything Mr. Hawklien said.

##########

Season Of Darkness, Chapter 21

It later occurred to the family that Blink was facing the same fate as Tim’s. They noticed some familiar characteristics in him, and they started to worry, not knowing what to do next.

It’s only a month before Blink’s birthday, and the family had decided to plan for their son’s celebration. But how are they going to plan such celebration with Blink in such distress?

One October morning, as Mr. Hieister drove Blink to school, he noticed something right in his son’s eyes. Something beneath Blink’s glasses was a wistful look, a sign of despondence. Mr. Hieister tried to talk to his son for a moment but he held back. He doesn’t want his son to take in any more of something that would remind him of his depressive past.

As Blink got off the car, he simply waved at his dad and then went inside the campus.

When Blink reached the classroom, he looked for his seat and took off his glasses. He certainly looked like Tim, others were shocked to see someone who looked and acted like Tim. Some of them were a bit terrified.

Mr. Rockfield noticed Blink at the middle of the crowd of desks. He seemed pretty concerned about his student.

“Is something bothering you, Mr. Hieister?”

He shook his head and only smiled.

“I see then,” Mr. Rockfield said affectionately, then he returned to his lecture.


Reaching the 100th post, this is yet another milestone for TWATKcox. Once again, we’re hoping to continue bringing more informative articles and stories about experiences and interests as time progresses. And we’re looking forward to reaching another milestone for this blog… and maybe reaching its fifth year in the cyberspace in three years’ time. Let’s look forward to it, shall we?

This Silent Darkness [L]

Inside a dark room

Always filled with gloom

In light’s absence

There comes silence

There’s no soft voice

Or any kind of noise

A dull look of loneliness

In a place full of sadness

The room looks like a dark night

With nothing to provide a light

With a calm mind

And a sight called blind

To ease your heart and hide

What else could this darkness provide

In the comfort of this dim fascination

Straight in the arms of isolation

Friendship And Memories: The Story Of A Transferee [L+A]

L+A stands for Literature and Article, where fiction and articles go together in a single post. Part 1 features the story while Part 2 features the article related to the story.

This story is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places, events, incidents, etc. are the products of the writer’s imagination (that’s me in this case) and/or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to these characters, dead or alive, is 100% pure coincidence.


Friendship And Memories: The Story Of A Transferee [Story]

You can have many friends, but only a few are worthy of a true friendship. I’m so glad I never felt any attachment to any of my former classmates, my former friends. If I did, then I’ll be more than hurt now that they abandoned me as if I was a real nobody. I’m all alone now.

And just as I was about to tell them that I wanted to transfer to another school, there’s this perfect opportunity. Apparently, my mom was thinking of transferring me to another school, where my brother studied and, recently, graduated. Of course, I said yes, since I wanted to start a new life as an upcoming high school student, and I wanted to leave that dreaded school. It seems that the laid-back atmosphere of a private school isn’t going to make my life better anyway, they’re making education as a sort of a social status. That’s not right.

As expected, everything was fine. Even my new classmates are nice too, except for some scary looking guys. But I simply ignored them. And from that day on, I’m a part of their group. They were even concerned about me, which is a sign that they really cared about me. I tried my best to return the favor. I’ve never felt this glad and happy here in this new school.

All these bad memories of my past will soon be forgotten… but then, am I really forgetting anything?

##########

One October afternoon, I was walking on the street when I noticed some of my former classmates from my former school. I let out a sigh of disappointment as they walked towards me.

“Hello Lieucarl,” Gerchiu greeted me. “How are you?”

“Fine, I suppose,” I said hesitantly. Deep inside, I was in shock by their sudden appearance.

“You never showed up on that first day of high school,” Rose said. “What happened?”

“I decided to transfer to another school,” I said. “In fact, I’m doing fine. It was better than my former school.”

My former classmates nodded, understanding the situation. Cyndra smiled at me and asked, “well, I see that you’re really glad that you’ve found some new friends.”

“But you’re not going to ditch us, aren’t you?” Gerchiu asked.

I shrugged with a sad grin. “I’m afraid I can’t answer that question for now.”

“That’s okay,” Finn said as he patted my shoulder. “By the way, wanna hang out with us?”

“Yeah,” Cyndra said. “We’ve never done it since fourth grade.”

I hesitated for a moment, but give in. “All right, but then… I might consider this as a farewell party. Who knows, this might be the last time we’ll see each other.”

And everything went fine afterwards. So after a few hours hanging out with my former classmates at a nearby amusement park and having dinner at a local diner, we parted ways.

“Let’s do this again,” Cyndra said.

“Yeah. I hope we will see each other soon,” Rose said with a reassuring smile.

“Sure,” I said. “Thanks for everything!”

“You’re still with us right?” Finn asked, looking hopeful.

I thought of something to say, but I end up with a nod anyway. “Yup. As always…”

Maybe I’m still with them. Or maybe I’m no longer with them. Who knows, there’s no definite answer for that.

##########

Since that day, I never did see one of them, at least until high school ends. But then, does it matter?

All that’s left is my memories… either of that former school or my former classmates. While most parts of it are indeed painful, there was something good as well. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. It’s a part of my life anyway.

Yes, it’s time to move on. There’s no point in remembering the past, all I have now is a better life ahead of me.


The Painful Truth Behind Friendships [Article]

For a commoner, friendships proved to be temporary. They tend to forget one another once they parted ways. Both of them eventually become strangers in each other’s eyes. The only time you’ll remember the good times with your old forgotten friend… is in an unexpected situation.

Is it right to consider friendship as temporary? You can actually say that if you think your friends had forgotten you after not seeing them for a long time and had found another. Only the loyal ones think of you.

But then, friends may come and go. So if you value your friend, always remember that he/she will be there for you no matter the absence. Even if you had hundreds of friends, not everyone can stand up to you.

Does it matter if a friend doesn’t value you? Well, if you’re attached to your so-called friend, then you’re most likely to get hurt. If not, then let go. Nothing good comes out of letting yourself getting hurt just for a friend anyway.

As you can see, I’m not really keen on meeting my former, long lost friends (almost all of them from more than ten years back) anyway. They had a life of their own, so there’s no need to bother. I believe that they only exist for some time and are gone next. Maybe I had it all wrong and I didn’t realize the true meaning of friendship. But then, there’s at least a close friend who’s going to cherish and remember me forever.

May your friendship turn to real good memories. Keep your friends well.

-kcox105 10/24/14

For Mom (Re-post)

A special tribute to our moms out there! First published on the Kin Keihan Times exactly four years ago, it is a poem written especially for our dear moms!

(Written May 12, 2013)


On this special day
We present to you
This special poem
To say… how much we love you
And how important you are to our lives
You have worked so hard
To raise us
To teach us
To guide us
You are the greatest inspiration
You make us realize how hard it is being a mom
You have worked so hard
You never cease to care for us
And for this day
We wanted to say
Thank you for being a good mom
For every good moment that we had
In return, we promise
That we will always take care of you
The way you care for us
We will be good and humble
And to greet you…
A happy mother’s day to you, my dear mom!