i150W: Expectations

We all have our expectations. There’s nothing wrong with it… unless we expect too much for an impossible thing to happen.

We expect a lot of good things in our daily lives. Comfort, convenience and excellence are some of the things we expect for a better, happy life. This usually applies to products and services, transportation, establishments, infrastructures, and anything that serves the general public.

Of course, we also have certain expectations from a person. Like for example, some parents want to make sure that their children excels in their studies. It’s great that some people are pushing others to do better, as long as they don’t overdo it.

Expectations are part of our lives, but you wouldn’t want to stress yourself or others just because you want something to happen, just exactly the way you want it. After all, you can’t expect everything to be perfect all the time.

The Dangers Of [High] Expectations [E]

We all have expectations in life. Our expectations serve as a basis for a better future, leaning towards perfection. And then there are some things that didn’t meet your expectations and it soon becomes a source of stress and frustration…

Being a perfectionist, I tend to have high expectations in life. Anything that’s below my standards is a big disappointment. Yes, I’m a nice person by nature and I wouldn’t fuss over little things, but I tend to get cranky when things didn’t go my way. I mean, who wouldn’t get mad if things didn’t go exactly as planned?

So much for expecting only the best things in life. What if you are controlled by other people’s expectations?

Your Own Expectations

We all have our expectations in our daily lives. We wanted to experience only the best things in life. But then, you can’t always get what you want. It’s frustrating.

Like for example, I have a lot of expectations. There’s traffic, courtesy, public transportation and internet connection speed. The heavy traffic, lack of courtesy, inefficient public transportation and slow (and crappy) internet connection are some of my biggest annoyances. I know I can’t control my frustration over these matters, but there’s more to it than that. Others had the same expectations as mine.

Over time, your own expectations can lead to rage, frustration, stress, behavioral problem, and anxiety. These can have a great impact on your health and your attitude. Yes, we’re aiming for something better but it’s important not to let your expectations consume you.

Other People’s Expectations (Towards You/A Person)

Isn’t it annoying that there are some people who are pressuring others to do better? Yes, they have high hopes for that person to do well in whatever ability he has. So pathetic. They could just give support to that person instead.

Their expectations (for a person) may vary, but it can always mean pressure for the person being asked. I mean, why are they expecting something from a person as if they were giving that person an ultimatum just to do better? Does these people know that their expectations may have a negative effect on that person?

Parents are the usual suspects to this kind of attitude. It’s as if they’re losing a lot if their kids didn’t make a lot of achievements or get the highest grades in tests. Wake up, you’re pressuring your child too much just to do better. I mean, it’s great that you’re pushing the kid to do well, but overdoing it can lead to fear, stress and anxiety, as well as developing a sense of perfectionism. Yup, there are some cases wherein some parents enforce strict discipline on their children in order to focus more on their studies. The end result? Some children are pushing themselves too hard in order not to fail and they’re suffering from emotional distress once they fail.

Grown-ups aren’t exempted from this case, just so you know. Their superiors have high expectations on their people to do well in their job. Their good performance is what the superiors are after, and the competent people who are performing well are likely to get promoted.

The Dark Side Of Expectations

All right, so there’s a dark side to this expectancy. Do I have to list everything one by one?

Basically, expectations are there for you to do well and to do better. But too much of this can lead to frustration, disappointment, stress and anxiety that can burn you out. The risks of expecting great things at the time of inconvenience can be disheartening. It’s like expecting a big change for this never ending problem.

Expectations and perfectionism tend to go together very well. Just imagine if things didn’t go your way, you easily lose your focus and may tend to dwell in the past.^ At times, you tend to quit what you’re doing and that’s kind of disappointing.

And speaking of frustrations and disappointments, many people tend to criticize the inconveniences they experienced in their daily lives and the people behind this. They all have their expectations that these people (particularly those in position) should solve these problems in order to provide convenience for everybody. But since they didn’t do their job properly, there goes the endless comments of intense frustration and disappointment at the people in the office. Sounds familiar? Yes, this is what’s happening in my country.

Perhaps, the most common example of this may sound like advertising… but in fact, it’s like an expose of a bad service. Whether it’s a telecommunications company that offers a crappy service at an expensive monthly rate, or a terrible service at a so-called 5-star restaurant, these people have the guts to expose everything they experienced and receive sympathy or criticism for it. They all have their expectations.

And perhaps, imposing expectations on someone by means of strict discipline can impact their emotional well being. They’re prone to depression, frustration and self-blame, which only happens when they fail to live up to expectations, for self and for others. Worse, they are pushed down the brink and their honor is tainted with humiliation that they either live with it or they end it all.

Dealing With Expectations

It’s better not to expect too much in life. Yes, we’re all expecting something better, but of course moving out of inconvenience doesn’t happen immediately. Also, you mustn’t stress yourself with these expectations in life, the one that leads to perfectionism. Remember not to expect too much from a person, and don’t impose your expectations on others in order for them to do better. Don’t be the cause of other people’s anxiety.

Postscript

In the end, whatever we expect in life must not lead to expressing your frustrations and anxiety over such a simple matter. We all have our expectations, but don’t let your expectations consume you.

The Indie Film Project, A Trip In The City, And Some Interesting Happenings (Timeline College Series #17)

It’s second to the last post for this series. About time for this series to conclude… but there are a few more interesting events to cover.


It’s 2012 already, and it’s only a few months before the graduation… and the end of student life. Right now, we’re busy taping some of the scenes for our indie film based on Edgardo M. Reyes’ “Gilingang Bato” (Grinding Stone). The story is about the perseverance of a mother who makes a living by making local delicacies (kakanin) in order to support her children after her husband died. Although her children help her with making and selling the delicacies, it’s the hardworking mother who keeps on working despite her old age. For the indie film, it’s entitled “Pamana” (Inheritance). And since it’s an indie film, we also need to think of a name for our production company, which was taken from the ongoing TV series aired during that time.

Unlike the previous indie film, which I portray four characters including the infamous red hood… whatever, I only had a cameo role for this indie film since I’m part of the production. I usually do various errands for the group.

It took about two to three months to finish our indie film and we’re supposed to have a film showing sometime in March. Unfortunately, the venue (the former Grand Central Mall in Monumento, Caloocan) was destroyed by a fire (possibly due to arson or faulty wiring), rendering the event cancelled. Until now, I didn’t get to watch the indie film, except for the trailer. Still, I’m looking forward to seeing it, even if it’s five years old.

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It looks like I’m about to add a few more places in my mall hopping list aside from the ones in North EDSA. For starters, I was really planning on a mall hopping trip (plus a visit to a few interesting places), but of course I couldn’t do it just yet considering that I’m not used to go somewhere far on my own, plus the transportation and food expenses…

And I finally did it. With little planning and enough money, I decided to go on a trip. Well, not exactly a trip but more of a solo excursion. I was really excited to go out and explore a few places in Manila, but with a little change in plans. Of course, I never get to visit a couple of places. I don’t know how to get to Fort Santiago (and I ended up walking a lengthy distance to Anda Circle, trying to figure out where it is without a map) and the Baywalk is being renovated. I did get a glimpse of Intramuros, the walled city, and I had a nice stroll at the Rizal Park at noon, despite the hot and bright sunny weather. The rest of the places visited throughout the day are malls.

In summary, it consists of:

  • Ten rides: 4 jeepney rides, 3 FX rides, 2 train rides (LRT-1 and MRT-3), and a bus ride from Mall of Asia to Magallanes.
  • Six malls: 3 in Quezon City, 2 in Manila, and 1 in Pasay.
  • Two historical landmarks in Manila: Rizal Park and Intramuros.
  • More than ten hours of travel time and numerous photos… my selfies are quite unattractive, but I didn’t care.

This excursion paved the way for more mall hopping options, and a few destinations were added: Makati CBD and Ortigas Center in Mandaluyong, and later Cubao, Binondo and Marikina. Of course, there were a lot of destinations waiting to be added, but I need some research about getting to these places.

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I find myself reading manga books and graphic novels, and they’re quite an interesting read. I tend to finish a book within an hour, much faster than a novel. I even bought some interesting titles, like “Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei” and “Candidate For Goddess”. I even downloaded an entire anime series.

That year, I made two notable purchases: the dark red zipper vest, and a QWERTY phone. Yes, I bought a brand new phone and it’s a Wi-Fi capable handset too. Well, my previous phone (a music phone) had a problem and it’s always a hassle to restart the phone often whenever it hangs up.

In the next few weeks, I’ll be graduating from college… and that will mark the end of this chapter. More details on the final post of this series.

Life, From A Commoner’s Perspective

Life is ordinary. Pretty ordinary. And boring.

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What is it like being a commoner?

Being a commoner is being ordinary… a plain and boring person. A person without a rank or title. A person who’s neither special or extraordinary. Anyway, why would I call myself a plain and boring person? It’s not like I don’t have a lot of achievements or anything like that.

Well, a commoner’s life can be plain ordinary, but they’re the type of people who tends to take time living their lives and does not engage themselves in a lot of activities. A commoner’s life is more of a private one, and it’s not the kind of life worth talking about.

A commoner usually enjoys a simple and contented life, sometimes with envy. They don’t care much about aspiring to be rich and/or popular, but at times they often wish they were. As long as they’re living a meaningful and peaceful life, that’s all that matters.

Being a commoner, I always feel that I’m largely forgotten by others since I’m not that popular. Like for example, I always keep tabs on my friends through Facebook and seeing much of their uploaded pictures featuring various interesting activities and adventures makes me wish I could do the same. I mean, I have my goals but I’m stuck to where I was, due to the fact that I can’t do better. Well, I have some interesting posts too, but they garner little to no likes. Does this mean that being a commoner means getting unnoticed since they’re not as interesting as the others? Probably, probably not.

Being a commoner, I’m not associated with a group of people. I don’t have the right to be in a group full of people with amazing skills and interests, as well as abilities. I don’t fit in any group, and I’m fine with it for as long as I’m not like them. I declare myself a misfit, and I’m fine with it for as long as I care.

Being a commoner, I sometimes aspire to be popular but I don’t have the ability to be liked by everyone. I don’t have the charm, and I don’t have the necessary abilities to amaze them. In other words, I’m nothing. But that doesn’t mean I can’t do better.

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All right, so what is life from a commoner’s perspective?

It depends on how you see it, so there’s no definite answer. But here are my thoughts about the life of a commoner.

For a commoner, life is full of dreams and ambition, at times envy and bitterness. They’re wishing for a brighter future and a better life, and they’re working hard in order to rise above the rest. But of course, they always see life as a challenge, they tend to compete against the better ones.

The unfortunate ones would simply comment about their miserable life. They have mixed feelings about living in an unfair world, feeling miserable about the successful lives of some people and feeling uncomfortable about being trampled on by others. They always believe that the powerful and influential people have the right to rule the world and they don’t.

In the end, the simplicity of a commoner’s life should not be the reason why they tend to be bitter over their unfortunate, unprivileged life. Yes, they see life as a challenge and a struggle, but they somehow manage to get through without making so much noise. It’s purely dedication and inspiration that keeps them motivated, away from the so-called unfortunate and unprivileged life that the commoners claim and complain about.

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Life is ordinary. Pretty ordinary. And boring. For a commoner, there’s nothing extraordinary about the life they’re living, and it all comes down to contentment and envy. And it takes a lot of good work for them to get noticed, and to get the necessary rank to be looked upon. Well, that’s the way it is.

Comfort Through Darkness (A Thought)

These days, I find it reasonable to be serious. I remain pessimistic about my future. Whenever I go out, I find myself wearing all black as my form of expression, mostly on the dark side. I find comfort inside a dark room, sitting by the bed staring at the night sky, contemplating on my dark future. I’m starting to worry about what will happen to me when I turn thirty… will I be able to get out of this darkness or not?

I can’t deny the fact that I feel depressed and lonely. In fact, I’ve just turned into my emo self (even though I don’t look that much, obviously) and I feel like a completely different person. Right now, I’m hiding in the shadows and live the unsocial life of an uncommunicative loner. I’m comfortable with it… but at times I feel a little awkward too, since I tend to be a freak as well.

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Severely affected by rejection back in elementary, I find it difficult to move on and try to cheer myself up. Later on, I started feeling insecure towards myself and my former friends/classmates, and I started hanging out with no one but myself as I had a hard time making friends. I eventually accepted the fact that I’m a loner, and I’m no longer comfortable talking and hanging out with other people.

When I was in high school, I got bullied a lot of times and I can’t even fight back at these jerks for their bad deeds. No matter how much you try to avoid them, you still end up getting bullied when you encounter them anywhere in the school grounds. Reacting to their terrible, cruel actions may sound a bit immature… but still, a bullying is a bullying. Until now, I felt a surge of annoyance whenever I recall some of these unfortunate incidents and that added to my anxiety I’m experiencing at times.

As I grow up, I’m starting to see the darker side of life and I tend to have negative thoughts about my life. I always believe that there are no second chances, and by the time I reached 30, it’s all over for me. I simply let my angst control my not-so-sound mind and I never did anything to let myself out of this misery.

I simply hate myself for being lured into this darkness. But then again, I’m fine with living a lonely, depressing life that I might as well kill myself in the end (there goes my emo self again)… but of course, my optimism never really left me (at all) and what I just said right now may just be a thought instead of a plan. I’m not that suicidal, just so you know.

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In the end, I can never deny the fact that I’m comfortable with my life… a life full of pessimism and anxiety. There’s no need to worry about, I can always cheer up as if nothing’s happened. Besides, it’s part of growing up. I might get over this sooner or later.

Hello darkness! I just came here to express myself and find comfort. I hope you wouldn’t mind.

Fascination With Night And Darkness

Sometimes, light does not provide the necessary comfort a person needs, and a person doesn’t need light in order to feel comfortable in whatever situation they’re in. There are times when a person needs to shun the light in order to calm their mind, to focus on their task, or to reflect on the things that happened. At times, darkness provides the feeling of being alone, without anyone or anything to interfere with your relaxation or comfort.

My obsession with darkness began when I finally overcome the fear of the dark. The thought of staying inside the room without the lights on while brainstorming and working on my upcoming story, or simply reflect on my not-so-cheerful past really excites me. In fact, I wanted to write an explicitly dark story surrounded by the dark atmosphere of my room. That should do, since I’m not comfortable working in the open where anyone can just walk by and sneak up behind me.

This obsession with darkness is best coupled with countless random thoughts and ideas. Depending on what kind of situation you’re in, it can either be a good thing or a bad thing.

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The keyword here is nyctophilia (sometimes called scotophilia), a preference for the night or darkness. Nothing much is explained yet, so my assumption is that nyctophiles love darkness and they are fond of doing some of the activities while being surrounded by darkness.

Nyctophilia generally applies to people who finds peace, happiness and relaxation in the dark. People who experienced a great deal of sadness and depression find comfort in the dark in order to express their frustrations and morbid thoughts about their lives. Creative people would rather work at night in order to calm their minds and focus on their work. Insomniacs tend to enjoy being up throughout the night, though this is usually a cause of concern for some people. Nyctophilia is more of a psychological condition, since it usually deals with emotional attraction to darkness and its calming effect on the person’s mind.^

The term is relatively new to me, and there are no definite information found in the internet. Some people thought of it as a sexual arousal from the dark or nighttime.^ It is unclear if it is really a mental disorder that requires treatment and therapy. But I don’t think there is a case where a person who loves staying up late just to enjoy the darkness of the night can be admitted to the psychiatric ward just for this obsession.

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The love of night and darkness… what a wonderful obsession it is! Oh well, this term is relatively new to me, but I’m sure this will be an interesting topic, especially for the people who are no longer afraid of the dark.

Well, may the darkness of the night be beneficial to you, if you’re into it.

i150W: Waiting For April To Arrive

There are a few good reasons why I love the month of April. The warm and sunny weather, the fun activities that involves a dip in the pool and eating cold desserts such as ice cream or shaved ice, going places, and spending the weekend playing RPGs and listening to music (something I rarely do nowadays).

Since April is usually associated with the summer season, it makes sense that I kind of anticipating this time of the year when the hot weather makes me want to go swimming by the beach or travelling to some cool places like Tagaytay or Baguio. Most of the time however, I still ended up at home, surfing the internet and watching anime shows.

It’s more fun in the sun, and it’s coming sooner than you think. April is more than a month away… but when it finally arrives, it will be worth the wait.

Alone For Comfort: A Recluse Inside The Room

Can you stand living inside your room for more than 100 days?  3 weeks? 5 days? Or even 24 hours? I’m sure most of you can’t. But what about those who can?

You probably see them in anime and manga. Just imagine being Tatsuhiro Satou of Welcome To The NHK, a socially withdrawn hikikomori who rarely leaves his apartment and relies on his family for his allowance. Well, that kind of scenario not only happens in anime or manga, but it also happens in real life.

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I’m the kind of person who rarely go out of the house owing to having a computer with a good internet connection. Okay, I don’t usually stay inside my room since it’s just a small space to live in (not to mention it’s kind of claustrophobic). But being cooped up inside the house isn’t really a fun thing to do after all. Sometimes, I need to go out too.

Oh well, I’m pretty used to staying inside the house for 20+ hours a day. I’m not the kind of person who goes out of the house and hang out in the streets often. It’s just that I’m more interested in surfing the net than roaming the streets for some interesting activity. After all, the streets are dominated by bystanders and uncouth kids, unlike before. I only go out to buy some snacks or stuff for dinner. But going out of the house just for a short walk? Yeah, I do this on occasion, but not for more than ten minutes and that’s that.

I know how it feels to be confined to a tiny space with anything you need for survival, without the desire to leave or travel. I simply love going out and going somewhere, so I always cringe at the thought of locking yourself up in your room just to avoid the pressures of the outside world. Just imagine yourself living in isolation at the comfort of your room, surrounded by four walls and piles of stuff.

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Reclusive people isolate themselves from the society. They simply refuse to leave the house and avoid people. They do this for a lot of reasons, primarily due to societal adversity.

I may have endured staying at home and not seeing my friends, but I’m starting to pay the price for being a recluse. Over time, I’m starting to feel weak and depressed, but I always find ways to keep myself busy and to return to my old self. I sometimes fear that I might lose the ability to talk, my poor communication skills is pretty evident. I don’t know, but my pessimistic attitude shows how stubborn I can be sometimes.

Despite this, I still find comfort in being a recluse due to the fact that I don’t always have to go out of the house just to bump into someone I knew… not that I’m avoiding them. Being a shy person, I’m not ready for unexpected meetings if I ever see them. Also, there are times when my introverted self convince me to enjoy the comfort of staying at home (though I always enjoy going out by myself).

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To be honest, I decided that being a recluse is a terrible experience for a person. But then again, it’s not a bad idea to disconnect yourself from the rest of the world every once in a while, as long as it doesn’t affect the way you’re living and you’re not drawn to social isolation.

Why I Blog: The TWATKcox’s 4th Year Special

1-anni-4th

Happy 4th anniversary, TWATKcox! So far, so good… we managed to post more than 150 posts in 4 years. And it doesn’t stop there.


It all started back in 2006 or 2007 when I try to create my own blog via Friendster Blogs, prior to establishing The Kin Keihan Times more than a year later. My posts that time were a bunch of plain nonsense, so much for a newbie in the blogging world. These posts were eventually deleted (save for the last post entitled Does Looking Back Hurts, which became the [unfinished] pre-KKT post) before starting the Kin Keihan Times.

And there I was, writing some of my personal experiences, stories and interesting short articles that were written out of emotion. I think some of the posts tells much about who I am. To be honest, I’m getting goosebumps reading some of them, but there are a few good articles worthy of being re-posted on this blog. One notable example is No, Never, And I Don’t Like.

For five years, I never thought that I’m posting some emotional nonsense and telling the entire world about how weird and emotional I was. Of course, I’m not getting enough readers (which didn’t matter to me anyway) so my former blog remains unnoticed. Even though the name of my former blog sounded catchy, I knew it’s time to get serious and start a new one. So it’s goodbye to the Kin Keihan Times and hello to The World According To KCOX.

Fast forward 2017. The way I’m blogging now is much more different than before. My blog posts had improved (and still improving), and I’m about to feature some serious issues that needs to be addressed. For me, blogging is more of expressing your thoughts and insights about various topics, experiences and issues through written words, raising awareness and reaching out to your readers.

Nowadays, blogging is not just an online diary of specific knowledge. It is your very own personal website reaching to a wider audience by means of sharing various content–from stories and poems, personal or social commentaries… up to visual media such as photos and videos. There were fashion blogs, news and commentary blogs, food blogs, travel blogs… the possibilities are endless.

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And now back to the question: why I blog?

We all know that blogging is a form of expression, mostly through writing. When you blog, you contribute a piece of your own history as well as your views about anything in general. We express our thoughts, our emotions, our experiences… all of these are recorded in the online portal of information [known as the internet] through blogs.

When we publish something online, what does the content say about you? Whatever you post, it contains a personality that’s so uniquely you (even for informative posts that doesn’t include your own personal experiences or comments). So if you’re fond of injecting humor to your posts, then you’ll be tagged as the humorous blogger who tends to keep the readers amused by your funny antics. If you keep on posting your emotional outbursts and thoughts through your posts, then you’ll be tagged as an emo blogger… you just keep on blogging away all your misery and pain. Oh well, we’re not supposed to stereotype bloggers by how they write and how they feel about writing something. After all, WE all have the right to express what’s on our minds… with certain limitations, of course.

I always feel like blogging something that happened, or anything that brings back the good old memories. Or blogging out of inspiration. You can never tell when such ideas come to mind, and you can always say it’s worth writing about. Ideas may come and go, but stays with you once it’s recorded.

In the end, what matters is that we all have a privilege to express ourselves through blogging. It isn’t just about sharing our thoughts and experiences, but it’s also about sharing some valuable information for the readers. We don’t just entertain them, but we also inform and educate them as well.

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And now, I’m quoting some parts of my previous posts that tells about blogging and writing:

As a college student that time, I don’t have much experience in blogging and I only publish such random stuff. Of course, I also wrote about my elementary and high school experiences too, but it’s all about how I feel about my former classmates and how I ended up being a miserable loner. There are some commentary about what I’ve written as well, usually before, after, or in the middle of the article.

Remembering The Kin Keihan Times, (The 125th Post)

Through the years, there are some improvements on the articles being published, yet they appears to be amateurish in terms of quality. But then, I didn’t care much about what I’ve written on the blog. I enjoyed writing and posting a lot of random things, and I haven’t had a clear plan in mind regarding the blog’s future.

Remembering The Kin Keihan Times, (The 125th Post)

I know blogging can be a real challenge. Running out of creative ideas and writer’s block are my common problems, and sometimes I lack motivation to finish the article I’m currently working on, leading to a timely delay before it gets published.

Second Anniversary Post: How I Managed To Get This Far

Well, it all starts with a topic, an interest or a situation that can later transform as an inspiration. I often research a lot, out of curiosity and fascination. Pretty soon, it becomes an idea that is formed by a combination of inspiration and determination.

Ideas Coming From Me, Keihancarl

Of course, it’s not easy at the beginning, but I was able to polish my ability to write stories and articles.

Obsessions: Writing

Nowadays, I’ve been focusing more on writing articles (some of them in a series) and less on my own literary works. Also, I often rely on my own knowledge (with a little research) just to finish an article. Who knows, this might change. In fact, I had just incorporate citations/sources in my recent articles.

Third Anniversary Post: The Story Of TWATKcox… So Far


Four years and 150+ posts… just how far can we go? Well, there are a lot of ideas, topics, and opinions waiting to be expressed and written for this blog so it’s a never ending journey for a blogger like me.

TWATKcox reached its fourth year in the cyberspace. My, how time flies… so fast and so sudden. Next year, it will be this blog’s fifth year anniversary and my tenth year as a blogger. Another great reason for us to look forward to this remarkable event in TWATKcox’s history!

i150W: January Is…

January is the first month of every year. The first day of January is the first day of the year, hence the New Year’s Day. The Chinese New Year is sometimes celebrated on the last week of this month.

Aside from being the first month of the year, January is the month of change, hence the prevalence of New Year’s resolutions. It is also the time when we look forward to a better and greater things in life.

This month gives an impression of a perfect beginning. It’s like the closing of a chapter that’s just ended and the opening of a new one. What a great way to forget all the bad things that happened in the previous year and just keep the good ones.

For me, January is the month of anticipation, continuation and expectation. May this month serves as an inspiration to move on and go further.