What It Means To Be A Loner?

Some people will never understand what being a loner is like until they experience it themselves.

Well, it takes strength and courage to endure being a loner. Sometimes, there are breaking moments. But in the end, it’ll just be the same.

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Being a loner is either a matter of choice or as a result of being ostracized from a group. Choosing the option to be alone can be helpful for those who need a break from the pressures of social life, especially if you don’t feel like hanging out with your classmates, friends, or co-workers. But being forced to be a loner due to the fact that they’re being ostracized by your peers is something to be concerned about. In fact, loneliness can be deadly if you end up feeling depressed and hopeless.

If being a loner is a choice, then you enjoy the comfortable feeling of solitude, away from the pressures of your social life. While it’s not a bad idea to spend time with your friends, it’s better to set aside some time for yourself in order to relax and to give yourself a chance to enjoy a variety of things and activities all by yourself.

If being a loner is a result of being rejected and ostracized by your peers, then there’s something wrong with the people who exclude you from the group. What they don’t realize is that ostracism can have a damaging effect on a person’s emotional and psychological well-being, and there’s a possibility that they can never fully recover from it.

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The moment you are being ostracized by your peers, you’d probably be wondering why are they doing this to you even though you did nothing wrong. Then all of a sudden, you feel all alone now, without someone to help you cope with this emotional rejection. At times, your loneliness can turn your world upside down, like a ship passing through a treacherous ocean on a stormy night.

At first, it was heartbreaking. Just imagine a group of friends leaving you behind like a trash for no particular reason at all, after all these years of friendship. You started experiencing a great deal of anguish just because you’re no longer a part of the circle. If you try to approach them, they’ll end up ignoring you or pushing you away since you’re no longer their friend. Worse, you’ll end up getting bullied and struggling to endure the pain of being humiliated and insulted by others.

As time passes by, you started developing a fear of being rejected and would rather think twice before you start approaching anyone. You’ll probably meet some nice people later on, but the bad experiences you’ve experienced in the past may serve as a barrier to making new friends. And even if you did, you’ll end up being the quiet, shy type who seldom joins conversations and may end up being forgotten by your so-called new friends. They won’t even bother asking how are you feeling up to these days. In other words, you’re now a misfit.

So what now? You’ve experienced getting rejected and ostracized by your peers in the past, and now you’re struggling to make (and keep) new friends. What luck you’re having right now. And now that your new friends didn’t really care much about you, then it’s time to accept the fact that you’ll be a loner for the rest of your life. Just the thought of it can really make you feel hopeless and depressed, and there’s no way to get yourself out of this loneliness. Either you’ll live with it or you’ll plan your own death.

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Well, being a loner sure has benefits.

Looking on the bright side, at least you wouldn’t have to worry about peer pressure. As you can see, the ones who rejected and ostracized you are eventually lured into the life of gaming, drinking, promiscuity, and other bad habits that you’ll otherwise pick up had they not abandoned you. Also, there’ll be no one to visit you in an unexpected manner, and they’ll never ask you to treat them even if you don’t want to. You’ll never have to worry about spending a lot of money on your friends’ food and drinks, and even gifts. Some people might think that you’re pretty selfish about this kind of thinking, but that’s the way it goes.

And since you’re no longer comfortable being with (a lot of) people owing to years of being a loner, you’ve finally embraced introversion. That means you’re no longer comfortable with having friends (if you have one) come over your place and would rather be hiding in the attic or your room than entertaining them.

As a loner, you get to enjoy a lot of things by yourself rather than with a group of friends. But of course, it feels awkward in certain situations, such as attending events or having a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant… all by yourself.

There are a lot of good things waiting for a loner, except falling in love and starting a family. But if ever someone managed to lure you out of this loneliness, then it’s definitely a life-changing experience for you and there’ll be a lot of things for you to catch up on, like hanging out with your new friends and doing a lot of group activities… with your participation, of course.

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It’s funny how I managed to live this lonely life without interacting with my friends for so long. Well, it is the result of being ostracized by my classmates back in elementary, and it carried over to high school and college. And since I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll become a loner for the rest of my life, I completely lost my ability to make new friends and I’m no longer fond of approaching people (like salespersons or friends) just to ask for help or to gain their attention.

I may be happy with my life now as a loner, but I started feeling depressed due to the fact that there’s no one else I can talk to aside from my family and relatives. Sometimes, I was wondering if I was really looking down at myself just because my response to these rejections are mostly negative.

Some of you might think that I’m making this up. Apparently, you don’t have a clue what being a loner is like, since you’d probably spent your entire life hanging out with your friends that you think loners like me don’t actually exist. Well, I envy you for having such an active social life, while I’m spending my time in front of a computer feeling insecure and lonely while checking out my social media accounts and surfing the internet. Now, what will you do to encourage loners like me to go out and socialize with others? Nothing, because some of you don’t even care.

So what does being a loner mean to me? It can only mean one thing: freedom. Freedom from the unwanted people in your life, freedom from big expenses (particularly on treats for your friends), freedom from the trouble they’ve caused you, and freedom from peer pressure. Conformity is bullshit, just be yourself and stop forcing others to like you. That’s all that matters if you’re still struggling to come out of this lonely life and start socializing with others off the internet.

Again, it takes strength and courage to endure being a loner, but not everyone can survive this loneliness. After all, no man is an island.

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#Throwback: Lonely Fourth Grade

“If you met a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they had tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

Jodi Picoult

It was about eighteen years ago when I, then a fourth-grade student, first experienced the harsh reality of being rejected and ignored by my classmates. I consider this as one of my earliest dark moments in life. And it’s only just the beginning of my miserable life at school.

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I can no longer recall the exact moment when my classmates started ignoring me, but I believed that it happened around August or September. I suddenly felt that I was unceremoniously ignored by my classmates and they wouldn’t let me join them in their games. At least there are a couple of my classmates whom I hang out with, one of them is a longtime classmate and friend since kindergarten and a weird transfer student whom I thought was a nice girl at first. Anyway, they’re the only people I knew who would want to hang out with me during that time.

I don’t know if they’re doing this on purpose simply because they don’t like me. Anyway, I didn’t mind it at first considering that they only wanted to hang out with the more popular ones and not some kind of commoner like me. But as time passed by, I started to feel sad and lonely, but not to the point of breaking down. I was trying to hold back my tears that time, something I managed to do anyway until about the end of school year.

My classmates, on the other hand, are having such a wonderful time hanging out with their peers. They do stuff such as playing tag or some kind of children’s games, and at times playing with one of my classmate’s Gameboy. I was feeling kind of envious that time that I wanted to sit down in the corner and watch. I don’t think they’ll even remember that I exist, except during a couple of occasions such as representing our class for Mr. and Ms. [name of school], something I’m not really proud of as of this time.

And speaking of being a not-so-proud candidate for Mr. [name of school], I just happened to be paired up with that weird transfer student, who eventually didn’t make it to the coronation day since she’s not feeling well. Anyway, after that event, I become popular with girls but only for a short period of time. And then I’m back to my lonely self once again.

I don’t know what is going on with me by the time that school year ends. Just as I thought it’s already summer vacation, I decided to spend time with my bicycle making rounds along our street. Of course, school isn’t over yet but for some reason, I don’t feel like going that time. In the end, I did.

So do you think my lonely school life ends here? Of course, not. It continued until I finished high school. You can actually say that this is the reason why I become a loner without anyone to hang out with. As for the weird transfer student, well, she transferred to another school right after that school year. Looks like she’s easily forgotten by my classmates and I’m kind of feel sorry for her. She sure must have experienced the same thing as mine, or so I thought.

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To be honest, this isn’t something worth sharing since it happened a long time ago and this is some kind of childish memory I wanted to forget, but this should give you the idea why until now I’m still struggling to make friends and hanging out with my classmates. All I know is that they hardly knew I existed, and I felt the same towards them.

Overall, I simply find that school year extremely boring and depressing. And I want no part of it. Good thing I didn’t have a computer that time, or else I could have been much worse than that. Seriously.

This Silent Darkness [L]

Inside a dark room

Always filled with gloom

In light’s absence

There comes silence

There’s no soft voice

Or any kind of noise

A dull look of loneliness

In a place full of sadness

The room looks like a dark night

With nothing to provide a light

With a calm mind

And a sight called blind

To ease your heart and hide

What else could this darkness provide

In the comfort of this dim fascination

Straight in the arms of isolation