There are some things to be ungrateful about, and some things to despise about. It’s a cruel life, after all.
Until now, the feeling of resentment and hatred towards some unwanted people remain. These unwanted people are the primary cause of a certain misery that later becomes a painful memory that is meant to be forgotten, but they always keep coming back as if they’re a part of your life.
Of course, these unwanted people keep bugging you despite the efforts to distance yourself from them. Just as I was about to live a peaceful life, assuming that they wouldn’t bother me anymore, I was surprised (and later, annoyed) that some jerk added me to a group consisting of my senior-year high school classmates. Yes, the IV-Chromium people, the ones responsible for some of their cruel deeds including the backpack incident (see here), false attributions, and some offending pranks. Well, it appears that they’ve been wondering about me and how I was doing. That online meeting later becomes a reunion, in which I was invited by 2 of my female classmates, but of course, I declined… in an unfriendly manner and walked out immediately. I manage a score on this one, and I consider this as one of my proud achievements.
Of course, this is not the only case of a grudge caused by a miserable past. There are some others, but there’s no need for me to mention any of it. These are mainly limited to some of my former classmates, particularly in elementary and high school.
##########
Holding grudges against someone who makes your life miserable is pretty normal, especially if you are belittled and bullied in the past. But it may cause unhappiness too.
Yes, we all have our reasons for holding grudges. One of the reasons is that we always believe what these bad people did to their victim(s) was unforgivable, and they don’t deserve to be forgiven. They’ve wronged you and now they’re trying to act nice to you… this makes your miserable life even more miserable. I just hate the fact when these bad people become good people as they mature. I can always see negative traits in some of these people, just because I’m being judgmental. Besides, they’re still mocking me whenever I said something terrible to them. It just shows that these people didn’t change at all.
All right, so is the phrase “forgive and forget” still applicable to you, after all the terrible things they did to you years ago? Depends. But one thing is for sure: the painful memories of your miserable past will remain forever and there’s no way you’ll forget it completely. Some people carry their personal grudges with them to their grave, which is kind of amusing.
Perhaps, I was laughing at the possibility of some of my so-called friends getting hurt with my relentless comments aimed specifically at them, and pretending not to know them as if I’ve completely forgotten them. I was probably laughing at the possibility that these so-called friends would comment on how I’ve changed drastically since the high school graduation. Oh well, that can’t be helped. The damage has been done and I’ve officially severed ties with them. But deep inside, I knew I’m hurting myself too… but not to the point where I’m gonna retract what I’ve said against them.
##########
Grudge and misery are best friends. In fact, misery is the root of grudge and hatred against a specific individual or a group… even to the entire world. You keep commenting on how terrible they are, or how evil they are. You keep blaming them for all your misfortunes. And of course, you keep pointing your finger at them as the people who ruined your life because of their cruel deeds.
Of course, holding on to your [personal] grudge can be harmful to your well-being, and dwelling on your miserable past may cause a great deal of anguish, especially if you happen to recall an unfortunate, painful chapter in your life that you hopelessly try to forget. It’s like carrying a heavy burden on your back… you just keep on suffering from the heavy weight of your anger and hatred that it really hurts in the long run.
All right, I might sound like a hypocrite by giving bits of advice that I, myself, don’t generally follow, but letting go of that heavy burden on your back (your personal grudges, etc.) can free you from this misery. Well, that may not completely erase your painful memories of your miserable past, but this should speed up your [emotional] healing process, something that takes weeks, months, years… even decades for a person to recover from a great deal anguish caused by some thoughtless people’s actions.
Lighten up. Remember that not all people are bad, and some of them have completely shed off their evil, cruel ways. They’re reaching out to you to see how you’re doing, or to compensate from their wrongdoing. There’s no need to judge them as if they’re the same person as before.
##########
All this time, I was thinking of making up with some of my classmates… but that depends if it will ever happen or not. Maybe in about twenty-five years or so?
To be honest, what I read in some sites about revenge and moving on really hit me hard. I mean, they’re the only people who thought about inviting me to some kind of reunion and I keep turning them down. Funny, isn’t it? Yeah, I wasn’t really that appreciative of their invitation, but at least they haven’t completely forgotten me.
But that was that. After all, I’m still not sold to their invitation and I caused enough damage just to leave me alone. I’ve completely detached myself from them. Although I still have some of my friends, they had forgotten all about me. It’s a curse, really.
So this made me rethink about holding on to my personal grudges against that group of people. Am I right in shunning them outright? Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe they were trying to surprise me with an apology. Who knows? But then, I’m not a stupid person to fall for their tricks… ever. So I’m holding on to it for the time being. Sad ending for this post, perhaps, but I’m being realistic here.
The World According To KCOX 